Greetings from the Polebarn

Skippy and the Blueberry Pacakes

2012-01-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

This year we started the new year off with completing a project we have been working on for close to a year. Last year we found a small black dog in the coldest part of the winter. We took him in and he stayed with us for three days as we tried to find his family. We thought he was from our neighborhood, but he was actually from the other side of town. We talked about writing a children's book about this little dog's adventures and publishing it.

I am happy to announce we have made that dream a reality. On January 2, 2012, we published the Kindle version of "Skippy and the Blueberry Pancakes." It is available on Amazon.com. Just click here to find it: Skippy and the Blueberry Pancakes.

It's for sale for $0.99 for the Kindle version and we hope to have a print edition in the near future. We may not make Stephen King money, but the fact we have realized our dream is priceless.

If I can impart any advice for the coming year, whether the world ends (again), or not, is to just do what you can do to move forward toward your dream. I am amazed at how kind and supportive people are when they realize that you are doing what you love and while it make not make you rich financially, it will enrich you personally with the experience.

Until next time, keep moving forward and please be kind.

The Last Call

2011-12-08T18:40:00.001-08:00

Tonight at work, job number 2, I got a very interesting call.

The gentleman who called was looking for an article that had been published in the paper earlier in the week. I said I would try to help him find it and I did. The conversation then turned to articles and writing and he asked me if I was a writer then what was I doing answering phones for the paper when I should be writing for them, or basically something to that effect.

As Jason DeRusha would say, "Good Question."

Then he asked if I really liked what I was doing and I said, "I love this job. I get to talk to really cool people and yes, there are those who complain, but they usually have a right to complain and I don't take it personally." He asked where I was a writer at and my stock answer was I wrote for my local paper.

He asked if I was making any money off of it and I said, "No, I don't get paid to do it, it's more of a nice way to feed my ego." Then the conversation took a turn.

"When you start believing you are good enough to make money at what you really love doing and are brave enough to take the risk, the money will follow."

I forwarded him the link, thanked him for the conversation and I logged off and went home.

On the way home, I couldn't help thinking about what this random stranger told me over the phone. I have been debating, like I always do, of whether I should just give up this writing dream and just make as much money as I can doing "real work" and just save up and do the writing when I retire, if I ever make it to retirement. I have been thinking of this quite a bit over the last few weeks, looking for some answer to my dilemma and hoping something would speak to me and clarify what I need to do.

I got the answer I wanted.

Through the last call of the night from a random stranger.

Thank you. I know what I have to do. And more importantly, I have to do now, not when I retire and not one day later. I have to take the risk and see what happens.

When I got home, the conversation I had with the love of my life, doubly clarified it for me. Ok. I got the messages, loud and clear.

Thanks again. And I'll keep you all updated with what happens next.

The Gift of A Day Off

2011-11-30T15:25:00.001-08:00

I know it's been a long time since I last posted.

Since my last post, I have been laid off from my job as a customer service representative for a lawn care company because the season ended. I will be going back in the spring and have taken on working two part-time jobs.

One job is at Target and I work from 4:30 am or 5:30 am to 9:00 am or 10 am or longer, doing logistics, which is unloading freight from the truck and stocking the shelves. My second job is as a customer service representative at a call center for the StarTribune. I love both jobs and love the fact I am not sitting around the house. Since working at Target, I've lost over 20 pounds. My clothes fit better, my sleeping is better (since I have to go to bed earlier), and I get paid to have a very intense workout lifting and walking and bending. I also am home by 6:00 pm which gives me more time to see my honey everyday, even if I have to work at both places on the same day.

I've been working almost everyday at one job or the other since late October, and today was my first day off from both jobs in weeks. I am very grateful for this time and spent it the way I wanted to, with no errands or driving around all over town, or working on a lot of stuff around the house. I was tempted to go nuts and clean and work on stuff around the house, but on the other hand, I wanted to just relax, to rest, to take stock and breathe a little bit. It's been such a crazy time, I haven't allowed myself any time off to just do that.

Today, I slept in as late as I wanted, did some laundry, the dishes and watched my favorite shows in the afternoon: Rachel Ray, The Doctors, The Dr. Oz Show, and Jeopardy. I also caught up on Facebook and on my emails. I even made out my To Do List for the next couple of weeks and also my grocery list for the next week. I will be finishing my NaNoWriMo novel for this year, and posting my word count once I have it verified, and will probably start working on a few ideas for some articles. I haven't allowed myself much time for my writing either. I realized how much I missed it until today. And how much I missed the time to just do what you want to do. It's very precious. Don't waste it.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and I will post again soon. Take care.

I Still Have a Dream...

2011-08-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

I came to work on Monday and there seemed to be different kind of energy as I walked in the door. Then as I stepped inside, I heard, "Was it you, Laura? Did you win?" I had to think about it for a moment, and then I realized my co-workers were asking if I had won the Powerball Jackpot.

The answer: NOT YET! :) However, there was a retired couple who won from Dakota County, and after watching the report on the news tonight on WCCO, I am happy it was them. They both reminded me of my parents, they are both salt of the earth people, people who have worked hard all their lives and were trying like so many of us to figure out if they would ever be able to afford to ever retire. Now they don't have to worry about that. I wish them many, many blessings and I hope they enjoy their retirement in style along with the rest of their family.

As for me, I bought my tickets, playing the same numbers, so am I still dreaming? Yes. Am I going to win? Yes.

I Had A Dream...

2011-08-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is a million dollar bill. What in the world am I thinking putting it up on my blog? What gives?

Well, a few months ago, I had a dream. I dreamt I was at the official lottery drawing, like you see on TV where they pull the balls out and put them up and for the first time in my whole life, I saw all the numbers be drawn one by one. I thought, "I'll never remember them." But I did, when I woke up from that dream, I remembered every single number, and I wrote them down and I have been playing them ever since. Just those numbers. Not any other. In both lotteries, the Powerball and the MegaMillions. If I'm going to win, I want to win big! I have a lot of family to take care of, and a lot of friends who will need some help. Not to mention, I would love to help the veterans in our country and their families.

I heard about a family recently who won the lottery more than once. It got me to thinking. I would love to be the first one to win both jackpots one after the other. The Mega Millions is drawn tomorrow night and the Powerball is drawn on Saturday.

What would you do if you won the lottery? How much would you spend and how much would you put away? Who would you help? Think about it. In the meantime, remember, money is just colored paper. The only value it holds is the value we place upon it. The things that are worth more are worth having, and most of them are free.

Have a great weekend, and Good Luck! :)

Goodbye July, Hello August!

2011-07-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

July 10, 2011, a thunderstorm rocked Lake Mille Lacs where our boat was docked at Hunter Winfield's Resort. Winds over 60 mph and lake swells caused our boat pictured above to break loose and end up crashing on the rocks on the lakeshore. What you don't see is the three foot wide hole in the bottom of the boat. What amazed me when I took the pictures the next day was that nobody was hurt or killed.

The month of July has been long, hot, challenging and I am glad for the lessons learned (put more insurance on if you can), but I am glad that it is over. August brings a lot of changes. My son is home from Virginia where he worked for the last 3 weeks in the Navy Reserves, only to pack and leave for Fargo to his college orientation. He won't be home long and then he's off to college for good. At least he's not too far from home this time.

I spent today trying to write my children's book I've been working on and found myself getting very frustrated. It was like I forgot how to write. I've been guilty of letting other things get in the way of my writing time, like work & sleep, but it felt like you do when you come back to work from a long vacation. It takes you a few days to get back into the swing of things. I've been away from it for far too long. I am finding myself having a hard time communicating verbally and in my writing. The flow I had before just isn't there. I know I just have to make a point to just write everyday no matter what and it will be like swimming: once you learn how you never forget. :)

Have a great weekend and see you in August!

Time After Time

2011-06-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

I used to love the Cindy Lauper version of this song, but tonight I am listening to the version sung by Eva Cassidy on the soundtrack for Smallville. It's a fitting song to listen to on your birthday.

For those of you who have no idea who Eva Cassidy is, she was a young, beautiful inspiring woman with a fabulous voice. Just when things seemed to be going right for her in life and in her singing career, she was diagnosed with melonoma. She died at age 33. But her legacy is she filled the remainder of her days with love, life and music. And she sang her heart out.

We never know how much time we have here on this planet. Yet we continue to take it all for granted. We'll start to do this when we have this amount of money or this kind of house or drive this kind of car. In the meantime, our talents are buried, wasting away, when we should be using them to make ourselves and the world better. I'm as guilty as everyone else. I have barely written a page or two in the last few weeks and I've been paying the price. I haven't been myself, nothing seems right and I feel out of sorts. I've also been crabby.

But I'm still here and made it to another birthday. I'm so very grateful for that, but most importantly, I'm so blessed to have QH and Alex in my life, to have Cannon & the girls, my parents, my sister and brother, and the rest of my family here with me. I am so blessed to have friends both old and young who were so nice and remembered my birthday on Facebook and also by phone. Thank you all. I had a great day. And most of all, thanks to my mother who 42 years ago brought me into this wonderful world.

I hope to make you all proud in the next year. :)

"If your lost you can look, and you will find me. Time after time. If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting. Time after time." ~Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time"

Happy Mother's Day 2011!

2011-05-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

Since I began my new job I haven't been able to post or write much. I was doing door to door sales, and now have moved into the front office to bring some much needed relief.

I liked doing the door to door, but I know I can be much more useful in the office, or at least I hope I can. We are doing this on a trial basis for now. But most of the ladies who are there are very nice and welcomed me in and once I learn all the stuff I hope to be able to work as fast and as well as they do.

So, here is another holiday I am writing a post about. Mother's Day.

This morning my son, Alex, made me pancakes for Mother's Day. QH bought me shocks, struts, brake pads and changed the oil in my car. He also bought me a cot for camping. I am the luckiest Mom in the world.

I am very blessed to still have my mother alive and well, and she still makes me laugh and drives me crazy sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't understand me (and vice versa), I know I wouldn't know what to do if she was no longer here.

She is the reason I have no problem talking to people, because she has never met a stranger. She worked for a lot of years as a waitress and bartender, and has not just survived cancer, but thrived. She loves her grandsons very much and enjoys spoiling them and looks forward to the day when she will be spoiling granddaughters (Andy and Lisa, this is your cue!).

She loves birds, feeding the blue jays, the orioles, the finches and the chickadees and red winged black birds that flock around the back deck of her yard. She makes a really great salsa and the best pickles you will ever eat. In fact, she's the reason I can cook at all.

I see a lot of my Mom in myself, and I am very proud today and everyday to be her daughter.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you.

Happy Mother's Day also, to my grandmother, Ellen Crawford, to my mother-in-law, Audrey Charlene Hathaway, and to all the moms, moms to be and to the military moms out there.
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Special prayers to Aunt Mary, my great-aunt, who was like another grandmother to me. She may not be in this world much longer, but she will leave behind a legacy of kindness and unconditional love and a wonderful smile. She always remembered your birthday, sent two dollars with a card, and bought towels for you for Christmas that matched your bathroom even though you never told her what color it was. Please help me pray for her transition from this life to the next to be as painless as possible. Love you, Aunt Mary.

Happy Easter 2011!

2011-04-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

First off, Happy Easter Everyone!

Today the weather is fabulous, the sun is out and shining with a few puffy clouds mixed in. The turkey is on the grill, and we will be going to my MIL's for dinner later this afternoon. It would be a great day to go for a ride in the 1956 Chevy, but sadly, the Pink Ride has gone to another home. We sold it yesterday to a nice man who was surprising his wife. I will miss the car shows and riding around in it, but things being what they are financially, it wasn't practical to keep it anymore. I had a good cry and I have a lot of great pictures and memories to look back on. It was a lot of fun while it lasted.

Spring is here and I'm looking forward to the flowers blooming, the grass growing and the time when I can sleep with the windows open at night. I'm also looking forward to my new job which starts Monday and learning new things. There is so much promise in the spring and at Easter, especially. It's the promise of a new chance at life, a rebirth, and a resurrection. It's a season of hope. And we all need to remember that as cold and dark as the winter gets, the light and warmth of spring always follows.

Happy Easter and Welcome Spring!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

2011-04-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

This picture is my son, Alex with my Mom (left) and my Dad (right). It was taken just before Alex left for the Navy.

Today is my Dad's birthday. It is a special day this year for many reasons.

For those of you who don't know the story, my father was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer in September of 2010. He had surgery to remove the tumor from his colon which was starting to permeate the lining, meaning it would have only been a matter of time and it would have spread to his other organs. He came through surgery and then had to go through chemotherapy.

Tomorrow, April 13, 2011, is his last chemo treatment.

This year, I wanted to do something special. I usually get him a silly card that he doesn't read for a week or so, and tell him Happy Birthday, or get him something he really doens't want or need or it ends up collecting dust in the house somewhere. I decided since he has pretty much everything he could need or want, and since he has the gift of good health now, I would have to be a little creative.

What I am doing is donating ten percent (10%) of my income and sales, in my father's name, Tom Crawford, over the next 10 days (April 12-April 22) to the "Get Your Rear In Gear" event sponsored by the Colon Cancer Coalition. My donation will go for my state, Minnesota. There is a 5K race being held on May 22, 2011. For more information, please go here:
http://www.getyourrearingear.com/events.

Through my job, I am paid to show kitchen cutlery products by appointment only. If I sell anything, it is a bonus, but the prospective customer is not required to purchase. I have a great time presenting the product and meeting new people. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with me, call me at (612) 859-3109.

If you would like to donate, please go to http://www.getyourrearingear.com and click on the "Donate" button.

Thanks and have a great weekend!

And Happy Birthday, Dad! :)

My New Job: Mother Hen

2011-04-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

Last time I posted, I was saying how I had learned a lot of things from losing each one of my jobs, and how I wasn't going to just settle for a paycheck, right? I wanted to find a job that fit with my personality, that I felt a measure of success at and I wanted to help people.

Be careful what you wish for.

The last few weeks I have been sending out applications and resumes all over the place. I then received an email from an online job finding service listing all the places and positions I should look at based upon my resume. One of the positions was for Vector Marketing. Hmmm. Interesting. Should I see what this is about? Sure, what have I got to lose? I clicked on the link, filled out the online application and it said for me to call the number to set up an interview. Ok. I then decided to do it the next day.

I didn't. Instead, I received a phone call from them. What? I then put it off until it kept bugging me. I needed to find out what this was about, if it was a scam, then no harm done, keep looking for a job. They decided to schedule me for an interview on Wednesday. I went in for the interview, not expecting much. I then was shocked to find out it was a sales position.

I sold Avon years ago, so my idea of sales was less than positive. I didn't want to have a bunch of inventory lying around my house (believe it or not, I still have some Avon in my storage room that didn't sell). I wasn't going to have a house full of widgets or what-have-yous lying around my place and try to find someone to buy them.

But something would not let me say no to this. Suddenly, I was wanting this job really bad. I have bills to pay after all, and even if it didn't work out, I might learn something valuable. What the heck. So, as I sat in the waiting room to be called on or not, I felt myself feeling uneasy. Did they think I was a good match? I looked around the room. These were all college or high school students. I am twice their age, almost. My heart started to sink. I was too old. If this opportunity had come along 20 years ago, I would have totally been in. Now, forget it.

Then my name was called. Might as well get this over with. I walked in and sat down and she said, "We've decided to offer you a position."

Shut the front door! Are you kidding me? If it wouldn't have been totally inappropriate, I would have jumped over there and hugged her! (I did give her a Thank You card, handwritten). I was to start training the next day.

Training has been like boot camp for selling stuff. I have learned more about marketing, prospecting, confidence, attitude, recommendations, closing a sale, then I could have ever learned in a college classroom. I was nervous and scared and worried. I was afraid when they gave us our kit I would do something stupid, but with each appointment, it got progressively easier. Most of my family and friends thought it was really cool stuff (I sell CutCo knives), but they all said, "Um, not right now," or "We'd love to have it, but we have no money, " etc. Since the first 10 days are the most intense and they want you to sell and have the most appointments I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong. I had no sales on Saturday and Sunday wasn't looking good either, until I my second appointment.

Finally! I had a sale! It wasn't huge, but it was something. One of the best things about this job is checking in with my manager, Chris, who is encouraging and asks how things go, offering tips on what to do, etc.

And tonight on my final appointment, I was so excited after training to apply what I learned and to tell my friend, Kathy about this product and the opportunities. She looked at me as I was about to leave, "So, you really like this?"

"No, Kathy," I said, "I love this job!"

I am so grateful I have a job that I control, that doesn't control me. I am in a group of young people that inspires me to do more and to set a good example for. I told Chris, I felt like I was the Mother Hen of the team. Most of them are around my son's age, so I also wanted to know how everyone else was doing, checking up on my little chicks to make sure they are all ok and safe and warm.

Of all the jobs I have ever had in my whole life, other than babysitting, this has been the best job I have ever had in my life. I am very proud to be a member of my team and working for Vector Marketing.

If you are looking for a great job, have a great attitude and are over 17 years old, or are a college or high school student looking for scholarship money, please send me an email : alsmom27@yahoo.com,or call me at (612) 859-3109 for information.

Answers to Questions

2011-03-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I ended with a few questions to answer. Here we go:

Question #1: What did I learn?

One of the biggest lessons I learned from losing all of these jobs is what I am willing to allow and not allow in order to make money working.

For example, I won’t work like a dog in volcanic heat. I can’t handle the heat. I ended up with heat exhaustion from a temp job in a thermoplastics factory last year. I decided for my health, making $9 an hour wasn’t worth me dying.

I won’t take less than what I’m worth. Most employment agency managers, in order to fill the job and get paid, will tell you, “This is what the job pays.” Whether you can feed your family or pay your bills is the real question. If you have experience, training, education, then don’t just settle for what “the job pays.” You will be miserable. It’s hard to go to work day in and day out where you feel like you are getting ripped off. Your time has a dollar value. Don’t sell yourself short. Do the math and figure out what your minimum pay should be and stick to it. Don’t settle for less just to collect a paycheck.

One of the most amazing things I learned and what happened when I decided for myself when I set my boundaries for what kind of job I would do and how much I wanted to be paid. I was patient, waited it out and found a job that paid MORE than my minimum pay. And while it was hot in the summer, I wasn’t melting each day I went to work.

Question #2: Are you !@#$% nuts? Why are you telling the whole world about this?

Am I nuts? Yes. I’m a woman, therefore, I am nuts to a certain degree. But the safe method of doing the traditional route of hunting for a job isn’t working for me anymore. I find the gap between jobs growing each time I do it. It’s time to try something else, something radical. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’m moving forward within those parameters, and I’m keeping an open mind.

Another lesson I learned is you never know what is going to come along. Sometimes you just have to see how you feel about something.

For example, I have a degree as a paralegal. The market for paralegal jobs isn’t the greatest where I live and with gas prices being what they are, I can’t afford to commute to the Cities to work. Yes, there is the train, and the bus, but I don’t know if that will work for me. I’ve done the long commute before for a job that paid more and I never saw my family. I was tired all the time and depressed.

I’ve always thought about getting some kind of job working as a paralegal at home. I was watching “Criminal Minds” last night. One of my favorite characters on the show is Garcia. She is the computer guru who finds the baddies and doing Internet research to help the profilers with their cases. I’ve always thought if I had a job like that where I could work at home (or even just go to work doing it) I would be in Heaven.

Later on, I was surfing the Web and I read an article about how hard it is for those with a criminal record to get a job, because most employers are requiring a criminal background check be done before an interview is scheduled. Something in my tiny little brain went “ding, ding, ding” and the next thing I’m checking into how to become a background investigator. Turns out, there is a program you can do at home, to be certified and it’s accredited, accepted, and recognized in my home state. I can do this from home or start my own business. Wow.

This pairs two things I love: research and the law. I can help people. I can have contact with people daily fulfilling my social butterfly needs. I can do this to make money and still pursue my writing career! No commute. No need for gas in my car.

Win, win, win!

So there is an option that came out of the clear blue and would fit with my education and experience. I never would have considered it if I had not let my mind stay open. Open to the possibilities of what I know and I’m trained to do and find a job that fits my needs, not just my bank account.

Please understand. I know I need to make money to pay my bills. The sooner the better because I’m getting cabin fever, and I’m not saying I’m above working crappy jobs to provide for my family. I’ve proven that over the last year or so. I feel life is too short and it’s time I choose bliss as well as bucks.

Why am I telling the whole world about this?

Someone out there, maybe lots of people, are grieving for the jobs they lost, the lifestyle they used to have, but while it’s been painful, it’s for the best. We are all finding the importance of people over things. Experiences matter more than status symbols, and when those experiences are with the ones we love it’s worth a cut in pay or fewer billable hours.

Nobody on this Earth, if they have a heart, will ever say they wished they had spent more time at work instead of with the ones they love. We never know how much time we have and when we spend the majority of our time working to make a living, instead of making a life, our lives get out of balance and we don’t even realize it until something terrible happens.

I don’t want to wait for something terrible to happen. I want to work, but I want to do work that matters. I want to do work that helps people, provides a service, or helps them better themselves and still provide what I need for me and my family.

I don’t think that is too much to ask, do you?

And Now For Something...Different

2011-03-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not a whiner. I'm not into the whole victim thing, you know, I get picked on or something happens and I feel wronged and cry in the corner while the big bullies laugh at me, until I end up punching someone in the mouth in the church parking lot...Oh, wait, that was Catholic school. Never mind. Fast forward.

Present day. Here I am, once again without a job.

Sigh. (Ok, that's technically a small whine, and it pairs well with cheddar).

I know, it sucks and I'm sure I'm not alone when I make that statement it's not just hard to GET a job, but it's even harder to KEEP one. I could probably find a few people who would say something about why I get let go: age, weight, too friendly, too aloof, too chatty, smile too much, bitchy sometimes, too slow, too fast, weight, age, blah, blah, blah. But when you ask WHY you were let go, you never get a satisfactory answer. They can't. It's against the law so they go the passive-aggressive route and say,

"It's just not working out,"

"The position you hold is no longer available,"

"We're not picking up your option,"

"We're going in a different direction"

"We're downsizing,"

"We're busy NOW, but..."

"It's not personal, it's just business," etc.

For a longer list of lame reasons, click here.

I'm starting to get a complex for crying out loud. You hear that line in your head, "It's not you, you're great. It's me. Can we still be friends?" and you wonder if this is real life or the finale of "The Bachelor" all over again.

I started running through the list of people I came in contact with to figure out who I offended, who I pissed off, and what I did in a previous life to keep losing job after job after job. You don't get a do-over if you screw up with some companies and if you are a temporary employee, then you are expendable anyway. You could just "look wrong" and they will find something, some reason, to get rid of you and not get sued. Which is why you get the above excuses.

So, to those I used to work with, if I offended, pissed off, enraged, chatted too much, smiled too much or if you just don't like fat, middle-aged women with a warped sense of humor and a positive attitude, and a killer recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies, fudge and salsa, then that's YOUR PROBLEM.

I am who I am and I'm not ashamed of who or what I am.

And what is wrong with communication?

Please. Tell me.

Most people run around typing what they want to tell someone on a small little computer keyboard in a short hand nobody but teenagers can understand instead of looking someone in the face.
Or, they actually dial a number on their "smart phones" and speaking to the other person.
We have all become so impersonal and desensitized to one another, that if you actually do something nice, like smile and ask someone how they are, they think you have an agenda.

I admit it.

I did have an agenda.

I really wanted to know how you were.
And I really was happy the sun came out and it was horrible what happened in Japan.

If you can't get to know people and talk to them and get them to talk to you, you can't do your job effectively, can you?

And if someone you are training asks (begs) for help, instruction, guidance, (a training manual) and you are in charge of training them, and act like a member of a really dysfunctional family and think "If I just keep quiet, they will stop asking about it, or distract them and keep them off the subject" or ignore their request completely (basically, setting them up to fail), then isn't that counter productive?
Training should not just stop after a few weeks. In some professions and jobs it is a continuing education. (I forgot to add, I asked too many questions.)

So, in light of this new information, I made a decision. Since I'm not making a consistent living as a temp in manufacturing, just to have a paycheck, then drastic times call for drastic (and fun) measures.

Time to go for something completely different. Instead of getting all upset, angry, depressed, and feeling like I was the second lowest form of life on the planet, I am going to make this a different experience. I'm going to act like it's Christmas Eve and Santa is clomping those big, old black boots on my rooftop and fake it, until I make it. I'm going to make this a fun, positive, uplifting and life changing experience.

I still want to get a real print book in my hands before I collect social security (and I have a great idea from this whole experience, but nothing solid yet, still working it out).

I need a total career change.

I need a job makeover.

I need a plan.

Since it worked for me finding the love of my life, I'm going to find the work that I love that will provide for me and my family until I retire (or expire), whichever comes first.

Here's my wish list:

Laura's New Career Wish List 2011

1. Best selling published author (like NY Times Top 10), making Stephen King or James Patterson money.
2. Freelance copywriter/marketer making Bob Bly money
3. Professional Public Speaker, motivational, like Tony Robbins only not as loud. :) I have no fear of speaking in front of large crowds (Thanks, Mrs. Fliginger).
4. Work from home as a researcher, blog writer, marketer, book reviewer or movie reviewer and get paid Seth Godin money or Bob Bly money (I like Bob Bly).

6. Paralegal or Legal Secretary (I do have a degree, ladies and gentleman), for criminal or family law, $30,000 per year minimum.
7. Receptionist, or Administrative Assistant making more than $15 per hour.
8. Become a Pharmacy Technician and work at Walgreens so we can move to Florida. (Job security).

Now. Take a deep breath and let it out.

I will be looking at this every day, planning how I'm going to make it happen, but most importantly (and those who got sucked in by "The Secret", this is the important part), I'm actually going to DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY TO MAKE IT TO MY GOALS!

Because while the lottery jackpot is up there, and I do have a few dollars left, I do know this: If you are playing with scared money, you're not gonna win. And that's not a sound investment of time or money. I would have better luck as lunch for a Great White or becoming a human lightening rod.

I can hear what you are all going to say, so lets get the arguments out of the way.

Argument #1: It's not realistic.
Yes, it's 'out there' kind of thinking, but the old school, go to college, get a degree, get a job and work until you are 65 or older isn't what is working anymore. Companies don't want to hire people out right. They want to have their options open and they don't want to spend all the money on an employee that won't work out in the long run (insurance, work comp, taxes, etc), so they hire temps. That is not working for me any more.

I want a home. A work home.

I want someplace to show up for work everyday and make the money I need to take care of my family. If that's here at home, where I sit now, or if I have to drive, take a train or a bus, that's fine.

But my reality is I have to work.

I have to do some kind of work that makes me feel like I accomplished something or helped someone, or my favorite, made me proud of what I did, like call your Mom and tell her proud.

What I learned from my job loss experience before is, I need to associate with real life human beings on a daily basis. I am curious, I'm an observer and through my interactions with most of the people I have worked with, I have worked with some of the most interesting, kind, wonderful, funny people who put that annoying smile on my face day after day. Work is my playground. It's where I shine. I need to be in a place where what I do matters, even if it's just that it matters to me and it's more than "what I do for money" (which makes me feel dirty).

Argument #2: What makes you so perfect? Were you the perfect employee?
Nothing.
Not by a long shot. I'm not perfect and sometimes I did argue a few cases with management about the quality of my parts, my operators, my company, my peeps, and I know you are just supposed to shut up and get back to work and for the most part I did, but in all the years I've worked I usually got along with most everyone. Most.

True, there are those who are not my biggest fan (and the feeling is mutual) like the emotional vampires that lurk in the darkest places of every work environment and cause trouble for everyone. Those are the people I try to limit contact with because it's like running in quick sand. Once they catch you, they don't let go until they tell you EVERYTHING and the next thing you know you wonder why the sun even rises and sets on it's own and begin to lose hope it ever will again and begin to think being sucked down in their misery to suffocate is not a bad way to go. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And I hate running.

Argument #3: What the hell is your point?
My point is this, if you only get one shot at this life, and you keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results, and the results are...not good, then you need to change your approach. I'm not going to grieve over this job loss. I'm not. I will miss the wonderful people I met and worked side by side with for the last few months, even the P.I.T.A.s, but I did learn a lot from working there and if you are losing job after job and are not at least learning something from the people and the experiences you have, then you need professional help. Seriously.

Question #1: What did I learn?

Question #2: Are you !@#$% nuts? Why are you telling the whole world about this?

The answer to these and other questions will be answered soon.

Tune in for my next post. :)

Please feel free to leave a comment and have a fabulous week! :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2011!

2011-03-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

May God give you...

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

May there always be work for your hands to do.

May your purse always hold a coin or two.

May the sun always shine on your windowpane.

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you.

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Wishing you and yours a million and one blessings on this St. Patrick’s Day and everyday!

One Writer's Search For Meaning

2011-02-27T23:03:00.000-08:00

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.~Viktor E. Frankl

All weekend I've been sick, nursing a cold/sinus infection. I've been pretty miserable, but trying to "will myself better" so I can go to work tomorrow. I've allowed myself to be sick, and to take care of myself, to sleep and drink a lot of tea (lemon/ginseng and orange/jasmine tea with hot water and honey), broth, and watch what I want on television (mostly Netflix) and just laze around.

This is not my normal state of being, I assure you. What brought my sickness about is a run down immune system caused by stress and worry. Stress of mind, body and spirit. Worries that haven't manifested or may never manifest, but they still keep running through my head. I keep running on the hamster wheel, going nowhere, not allowing myself time to think, time to sleep, or time to just BE. It finally caught up with me.

As you all know, I dream of being a published writer, someday.

I write here on my blog and tell all my little stories and adventures thinking someone out there must be reading it, even if it's only a handful of my family and friends. I used to wrote articles for the local newspaper, and I'm re-writing and editing a few novels I have written and finished, thanks to National Novel Writing Month in the past, but I never seem to get any further than that. The writing gets pushed back, or I get distracted with something else, or I find some excuse not to finish what I started.

Why? What is the point of writing if you are not going to share it with the world? Why keep doing it? Why not just publish something, ANYTHING, and get it over with? What's the obstacle that keeps me from finishing my so-called dream?

Fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that I will change and that everything will change (which is really silly, because EVERYTHING changes. Nothing is stagnant forever). Well, that is part of it. Mostly, I feel that without becoming a writer, my purpose, my life, is really meaningless. Without the actual act of writing, even for a blog, or a journal, or even a letter or a thank-you card, I feel I am not fulfilling my life's purpose. Everyone keeps asking me when the book is going to get published, when I'm going to have it in their hands and available to buy. I always say, "I'm working on it. I'm editing it. Soon. Soon." But then "soon" never comes. I am not only lying to them, but I am lying to myself. That's wrong. Not fair to them and not fair to me either. I didn't really understand why I was doing this, and how to move beyond it to the place I really want to be. I keep sabotaging myself.

This weekend I did some reading. I ordered a book I've been wanting to read for a very long time. Since I was sick this weekend, I finally gave myself the time to read it. The book is called, "Man's Search For Meaning," by Dr. Viktor Frankl. If you have not read it yet, please, get this book by any means necessary and read it. If you have children, especially teenagers, give it to them and have them read it. It's that important.

In this book, Dr. Frankl describes in detail his life as a prisoner in four concentration camps including Auschwitz. You would think the subject matter would be depressing, and sometimes it is sad, and I did cry in some parts and at the end, but it is also full of hope and inspiration.

He tells how he and his fellow prisoners could see when someone had lost hope, the signs of their soon to be demise, their inability to get dressed, to even go to work, even if under threat of a beating by the SS guards, how they would just sit, literally in their own juices, smoking their last cigarette, until they died.

It is very dangerous, and deadly, to lose hope, to believe that there is no meaning to your life, when you are faced with such unavoidable circumstances such as unemployment, prison, or death. He details how you can survive the three most horrible things: pain, guilt and death and do them with dignity. That if a man has meaning in his life, something or someone to live for, he can survive anything. And even if it is not possible for him to survive, he can hold his head up high and stand up with honor, while facing death or disease.

This is a man, who lost his whole family: his elderly parents, his young and pregnant wife, his brother, and came back to Vienna to help those after the war, and also in the process, helped himself. He wrote this book in 9 days.

That's not a typo. Nine (9) days. And he went on to marry, have children and continue his work until he died in his 90's in 1997.

But most importantly, he found a way to live, to love and to work to help others. He was able to put that nightmare behind him, find the beauty and humor in that experience and go on to be a joyful, grateful human being, with meaning in his life and his life's work. So many times, the odds were against him surviving, and yet, he made it, because of his attitude toward his situation. He was able to see, even in that horrible place, the beauty of the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the sunsets, and the spirits in his fellow inmates.

Most of what is stressing me out is real: the threat of unemployment again (I keep having bad dreams of it happening again), of not being able to provide for my family, of failing again at my writing, at not measuring up to my expectations or the expectations of those I care about (mostly my expectations are almost impossible to achieve), being good at everything and when I'm not, beating myself up for it, blah, blah, blah.

Now, after reading this book, I ask myself. What is there to fear? If this man could go through losing everything and becoming just "a number", as he describes it, and then write something touching millions of readers and helping them out of the abyss of their despair, and it continues to inspire teachers, therapists, and writers, then isn't it the purpose of every write to touch the life of one person with their words and their work, and leave a legacy behind that will be as true today as it was when it was written? Isn't that why we all write?

We surely write for ourselves on one level, even if it is just to calm the voices and the storms in our heads and get the words on the screen or on the page. But ultimately, we write for the reader, hoping on some level, we are able to help them escape, or laugh or cry or be touched or excited, even for just a little while. And to inspire future writers to take up the pen, or hit those keys.

A blog will disappear with the stroke of a key. And while I really enjoy writing this blog, that is not what I want. I want a legacy. I want a permanent legacy. I want a real, hold in your hands book with my name on it. I want someone to say, as I did tonight as I closed the last page of Dr. Frankl's book, "Thank you for writing this. Thank you. It's what I really needed right now."

I'm feeling much better.

Everybody Is God's Somebody

2011-02-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

When I get home from work each night, I have a typical routine. I take a shower, grab a little snack and settle in to email on the computer or watch some television. I sometimes stay up late enough to watch a replay of "Oprah." I watched it last night and was inspired by a set of twins, Helen and Ellen, who are in their eighties and serve food to the community in a small place called "The Love Kitchen" in Knoxville, Tennessee. There was also a younger woman by the name of Dani Johnson, a millionaire, who did work in The Love Kitchen for a show called "Secret Millionaire."

Dani Johnson was no stranger to struggle or striving. She was abused and neglected by her parents, and at the age of seventeen, she became pregnant. By the time she was twenty-one years old, she was homeless. In a little over 2 years, with only a pay phone and the trunk of her car, she began selling health products and was soon a millionaire. She is now happily married for 19 years and has five children. As part of the show, she was supposed to live on $40 per week.

$40 dollars per week.

She said on the show that it was actually too much money. She said for one person, she was able to keep money in her wallet and survive and thrive on that amount of money. She said even now, as a millionaire, she and her family have a budget of $100 per week. That might explain why she is a millionaire!

As she was living this way, for about a month (I'm not completely sure, I haven't watched the show), she was to find people in the same situation she was in, who would inspire others. And in the twin sisters, Ellen and Helen, she most certainly found inspiration.

Their motto, taught to them by their father, is "Everybody is God's Somebody."

He also said, "There is no race. Only the Human Race," and told them to "never eat the last piece of bread off the table because someone might be hungry and come looking for it."

I got a great kick out of watching these ladies, and they said they would never slow down. "Lord, if you come to take me, take me on my feet."

I am happy to say that they received a check from Dani Johnson on the show for $20,000 and Oprah contacted Kroger's and they donated a year's worth of food to The Love Kitchen, which will feed the thousands they feed every week and then some. I'm sure because of the show they will reap even more than they have sown, and I am happy for them and the community that needs it so desperately.

I know there are more people like Dani, Helen and Ellen in this world, and I thank them for the work they do. Blessings to them all and the people they serve.

To learn more about The Love Kitchen, go here, or you can find them on Facebook.

And for more on Dani Johnson, visit here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

I got home from work on Friday night and found these sitting on my table. I have the sweetest man in the whole world. He warms my heart everyday, and it's not because he brings me flowers. He does it by making me laugh, going to work everyday, doing the dishes, the laundry, shoveling and plowing the driveway, and by just snuggling with me on the couch. He doesn't have to do anything at all, but he does lots of things for me that help me out everyday. I am so grateful to have a man who loves me for who I am, warts and all, and who makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world, even if I don't think that way about myself. He encourages me to live my dreams, to be the person I want to be not the person everyone expects me to be. He's the love of my life and I love every minute I am with him and when I'm not, I'm counting the minutes until I can be with him again. Thank you for all you do for me, honey, and know how much I love you on this Valentine's Day, and everyday.

And Happy Valentine's Day to everyone else out there. I wish for you all, a love as great as mine. :)

February: Curse or Blessing?

2011-02-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

February is a strange month for me. If anything significant is going to happen to me in my life, it usually happens in the month of February.

I have no idea why the shortest month of the year is usually the most turbulent for me. I don't know if it has anything to do with my astrological sign (Gemini) or how the planets are aligned in any particular way for me or if it just is that shit happens to me a lot in the month of February. It has been both a blessing and a curse for me.

Ironically, the curses have a way of turning into blessings.
Many years ago, my parents separated in the month of February. The blessings were, we all ended up in Minnesota where we were all able to start over and have a great life together and on our own.

I found out I was pregnant with my son, Alex, on Valentine's Day, almost two weeks after I broke up with his Dad in 1989. This turned out to be a blessing for many reasons, but at the time, I was scared to death and didn't know what to do. Alex was born on May 5, 1989.

My mother found out she had breast cancer and she had a masectomy in February of 2000. Good news is, she has been cancer free since then and has not had to have any further treatment.

This year has been kind of quiet, so I'm curious to see what happens. And I'm anxious to see what I will learn from the shortest month of the year.

I Woke Up This Morning

2011-01-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning. It's going to be a good day.

Yesterday, well, it wasn't such a good day. I've been upset with how things have been going at work. The last couple of weeks have been very stressful, challenging, to say the least. I usually can put stuff like that aside and keep on going, but for some reason, it's not working. I left work last night very upset, my mind racing and full of stuff turning over and over in my head. I was distracted to say the least. Not good to jump into your car when you are in that state, but I wanted to get home. Put that night behind me. I should have taken a moment and assessed things, taken a deep breath, and let it go. I didn't. Instead, I got the hell out of there.

As I travelled down Highway 10, I was happy to be heading to home. I was between Ramsey and Elk River, when I heard my inner voice say, "You need to get gas." Just then, I looked down and my gas gauge was reading "E".

Crap!! I thought, "The next gas station is right up here, I'll pull in and get gas there."

**Cough, cough, sputter, sputter**
Crap!!!

I had to pull over to the side of the highway. Stupid, stupid, stupid!! I put gas in the other day, and I only have been going to work (gas prices have gone up, so I didn't have as much in my tank as I thought), ... Crap!!

I got out my cell phone and called AAA. They would send someone out right away to put gas in my tank. Then I looked out and it was starting to snow. Great. Fabulous. I was getting cold and I was hoping someone would come soon.

About 20 minutes later, a police car pulled behind me with his lights on. It was an officer from the Elk River Police Department. I handed him my license and showed him my AAA card and let him know I was just out of gas and waiting for the tow driver from Collins Brothers. He said he would wait behind me until the tow showed up. "I just passed a Collins Brothers tow driver on 169, so he's probably on his way." I thanked him, and waited. I was ready to cry, but I didn't.

The tow arrived about 15 minutes later. He took my AAA card, then put gas in my tank. He was a nice young man, I didn't see his name on his jacket, but I told him how much I appreciated him getting to me as quick as he could. He gave me my card back, and then he got into his truck after I started my car and left. I signaled and got back on Highway 10 and made it to the gas station. I looked and the police officer was behind me and once I got into the turn lane for the gas station, he passed by me.

Thank God for AAA, and for Officer Morgan of the Elk River Police Department and for Collins Brothers Towing in Elk River. But Thanks to God I woke up this morning in my nice, warm bed, and have the opportunity to turn the last two weeks around.

Lessons learned: Make sure you have a full tank of gas at all times. Especially in the winter.

Also, don't get behind the wheel of a car when you are upset or distracted. Turn off the damn cell phones and drive!

Don't forget your AAA card, and if you don't have one, get one.

And most importantly, let go whatever has your head in a spin. Just take a deep breath, and let it go.

If you can't change it or control it, let it go. It's not worth sitting out in the cold by the side of the highway in the snow. It's not worth your life.

Six Months

2011-01-26T10:34:00.000-08:00

Today I have been working exactly six months at my current job as a quality control inspector. Since I was laid off in June of 2009, this is the longest job I have held. So far.

I am grateful to still be working and have a weekly paycheck. I am grateful to everyone I work with and to be learning all the things I am learning. I hope I can say in six months, I have been there for a whole year.

But Life is strange and you never know where you will end up. So, we shall see what happens next. It'll be good.

His Name Is Skippy

2011-01-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today Skippy went home. I was sad to see him leave, but I was glad he was reunited with his family. This morning he was wagging his tail when I came into the living room and was licking my hands and even wanted to sit on my lap. Uh-oh. There goes my heart. I knew I had to find his family because as much as I was falling in love with this little guy, I knew that someone was looking for him, someone that loved him a lot longer than I did. So, I decided to start sending his pictures and emails to all the animal shelters and when I Googled 'Sherburne County Animal Control' I got the website and the number to call for lost and found pets.

I called them and they described him even down to the color of the collar. They gave me the number of the owner and I called and told her, "I think I have your dog." She described him and said, "His name is Skippy." When I called him that his head perked up and his tail started wagging. I knew that was him. I asked for her address, and told her I would bring him home. I showered, got dressed, warmed up the car, and as we drove and got closer to the neighborhood, he was getting excited. He knew he was coming home.

I got to the door and buzzed the door bell, and the woman came to the door with a small Chihuahua under foot. I found out his name was Tito. I told her who I was and asked her name and said, "I brought your dog. I'll go get him." I opened the car door and Skippy heard his little friend barking and out he jumped and into the house he ran. She was standing in the cold, saying, "It's him!" I was so happy to have delivered him back to his family. It really made my week. I felt like a million bucks.

She explained Skippy was her Dad's dog and they are here visiting. He disappeared after she let him and Tito out to go potty and said they had been looking for him day and night with flashlights and looking everywhere in the woods and everything. I explained how he ended up at our house, that I took him to the vet to be scanned for a chip and he was checked out and given a clean bill of health. I also told her he was spoiled a lot while he was with us, but we were happy he was back home.

We hugged and she thanked me. I left feeling so wonderful.

I'm so glad I did one right thing today. :)

Little Dog Found

2011-01-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

This little guy was found around our place last night. He's small, has short black fur with white on his chest and on his feet. He was lost, cold, and hungry. So, of course we brought him in since the temperatures were going to be brutally cold last night. He's been fed, taken out for potty and seems to like my couch with the pillows and the nice warm blanket I put around him this morning. We know he belongs to someone, he has been well taken care of and his nails are clipped. He has a collar, but no tags and he won't tell us his name. We've nicknamed him Mongo. I'm taking him to the local vet clinic to see if he has been microchipped. If anyone knows who he belongs to, or is looking for him, please call (763) 856-2711. Thanks.

The Water Tree

2011-01-12T23:09:00.000-08:00

Here's a little video showing the water tree my son, Alex, helped build aboard the USS Carl Vinson to help bring water to the people of Haiti after the earthquake one year ago.

Warning: Adjust your volume. It gets a little loud towards the end of the video. Thanks.

What A Difference A Year Makes

2011-01-12T00:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight, my son is sleeping, safe and sound in his own bedroom, and will rise early and go to work. I am more grateful to God and all the Angels and Saints in Heaven for that simple fact.

One year ago today, Haiti was hit by a devasting earthquake. The next thing I knew, my son's ship, the USS Carl Vinson, was being named on national television by the President of the United States. At that time, I was not in a good place emotionally, physically, or mentally. I was unemployed, out of hope, and beginning to think my life was over. Then I find out my only son is heading for ground zero where people are fighting and killing over food and water. Let's just say, it did nothing to help my situation at the time. As much as I wanted to keep watching the news, I couldn't. It was too terrifying.

I cried. I cried a lot. I didn't know what to do, and the worst part was not being able to hear his voice or know if he was ok. My prayers went up all the time, "Please God, just keep him safe. Please. He's my one and only. Please, please, please."

Those days were dark and full of dread. If it wasn't for QH, I would have stayed in that darkness, or worse. Instead, I fought my way out, and back up into the light. I couldn't give up. I've worked my ass off to make it this far, and some days it can be a struggle, but I am glad to look back at this year and see I am here, I'm ok, and more importantly, God answered my prayers and brought my son home safe and sound. I'm so proud of what he did there, of the people he helped and that he was able to continue on and go to South America and end up in San Diego, California. He crossed the equator twice on that deployment and saw a huge part of the world I've never seen, and all before his 21st birthday.

To all who have family in the military, for those in the military, I thank you for your service and for all you did a year ago for the people of Haiti. And thank you for all you continue to do right now to keep us all free and safe and to help out those in need. I'm very proud to be a Navy Mom.

And I pray your loved ones are home soon, safe and sound, sleeping in their own beds.

Neil Is Home

2011-01-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

Neil checked out of the hospital today. I also have a few corrections to make.

First, Ted's girlfriend is Amber, not Amanda as I posted a few days ago. In the chaos of the situation, I wrote down the wrong name, but I should get some points for being close.

Amber, I am so sorry, and I appreciate you being there for me on Friday.

Today, Cannon came and spent the day with us. We played Lego Star Wars on the PS3, and watched Bugs Bunny cartoons, and finally, Johnny Test. He wanted cheese macaroni and since I was out, we went to the store and he got the Sponge Bob Macaroni & Cheese. I forgot how much fun it was to have the little guy around. You never know what he's going to say. When he was eating, he said, "I've got to hand it to you, Aunt Sissy. You make good Sponge Bob Macaroni & Cheese."

Thanks, kid, I needed that.

Good News

2011-01-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

We got the news Neil will be coming home tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for all your prayers and good energy and well wishes. We are all grateful this is how things are and we still have Neil in our lives.

Tomorrow I'm spending the day with my nephew, Cannon. The past 2 days I was promising to see him and got distracted with one thing or another. I called my sister, Kelley and asked if I could come and pick him up in the morning. She said, "Are you sure?"

Yes. I miss that little guy since I don't babysit for him anymore. I need some fun time with my little Bubby. I've learned with all of this you need to make time for the important people in your lives. It won't matter if the other stuff gets done or not, but if you miss an opportunity to spend some quality time with those you love the most, it makes all the difference in the world.

I hope all of you have a great week.

One of Those Days

2011-01-07T17:55:00.000-08:00

It started out, like any other Friday. I was planning on sleeping in a little, and then I was going to take Grandma Chuck shopping. Nothing out of the ordinary. I heard QH and Alex talking in the kitchen, discussing some things and laughing. Then I heard QH come into the room and I told him to be careful on the roads because it was snowing on my way home. "Love you. Bye," and then I snuggled down in the flannel sheets to try and get some more sleep. I didn't sleep very well the night before. I was tired enough, but for some reason, twice this week, I tossed and turned and didn't start to sleep well until I heard Alex's alarm buzzing in the other room. Usually, I hit the pillow and I'm in La-La Land. Nope.

I was about to drift off when the phone rang. We got a new phone this Christmas, and since the old one still worked and we had a plug-in in our bedroom, we set it up next to the bed. I looked at the caller ID. Not a number I recognized, so I thought it might be QH or Alex saying they forgot something. Instead, it was Carol, who is married to QH's brother Neil. She was wondering if Quint had left for work yet. I said, yes, you just missed him, why? Then she said, "I don't have any battery left on my cell phone, could you call him and let him know they are taking Neil to the hospital. He's having a heart attack."

I'm awake.

I told her not to worry, I would take care of everything and asked where they were taking Neil. She said to Mercy Hospital in Coon Rapids. They live in Buffalo, so if they were taking him to Mercy, it had to be dire. I told her to keep in touch and I prayed and prayed and prayed as I jumped out of bed, then in the bathroom to take a shower. I called QH and told him what was going on, to call his Mom and tell her I was on my way, but I had to shower first. I hung up and got in and kept on praying. "Please, God. Not Neil. QH can't lose his brother. Not in January. Not now. Please, please, please, please..." I got out, got dressed, dried my hair and then as my coffee warmed in the microwave, I turned on the computer and found the prayer circle. I asked for them to pray for Neil and his family and to help give them strength no matter what the outcome was. We were all in God's hands now.

We got to Mercy, and the wind and the snow were blowing pretty fierce, but once we made it up to the room, we came in when the doctor was explaining they put in 2 stints in his heart, that he would be out of work about a week, and that he would have to make some drastic changes to be in better health. He was beyond lucky. No visible or apparent damage to his heart. He was groggy, but said, "A week with no work? I can go ice fishing!"

I told the doctor, "He's feeling better."

Neil and Carol's two sons, Ted and Clayton were there with their girlfriends, Amanda and Heather. I then let loose with the water works and thank goodness Amanda, Ted's girlfriend, was there. We hugged each other, and I was so happy that this was the outcome and that he was going to be okay. I backed out of the room and found QH in the waiting area, and told him what the doctor had said. He had to get back to work, so he left, and I told him if anything changed we would call him. I took his Mom (Grandma Chuck) to get something to eat and then to WalMart. We headed for the best place to deal with this kind of situation: IHOP.

I was just bragging to my friend Beth that I was cutting back on all the junk food and had stopped eating late at night and low and behold, I lost 10 pounds last week. It was IHOP's "All You Can Eat Pancake" promotion, and boy, did I ever! I had 4 pancakes, 4 sausage links, 2 eggs over easy, hashbrowns and coffee and water. I wasn't going to eat anything until supper and figured a big breakfast was what I needed to keep me going. Inspite of the bad taste of eating all that fat, butter, syrup and carbs, while my "brother-in-law" was in the hospital for cardiac arrest, I didn't feel a damn bit guilty. I know I will be back on the wagon tomorrow, and I know that this has given me and QH a scare. It could very well have been me lying in that hospital room or him, with a very different outcome. Who knows? If I know anything, things are going to be a changing around here. Lots of things.

Right now, I please ask you faithful readers to please pray, send blessings and well wishes and any positive energy you can for the family. Thanks to all of you on the prayer circle, wherever and whomever you are for helping us through this. Praise the Lord all turned out as well as it did. Neil isn't completely out of the woods yet, but he has to make a lot of decisions as to the quality of life he wants to have from here on out, as do we all. I'm not preaching here, I'm just as bad as everyone else when it comes to excuses for why my health is as bad as it is. But when you have 2 parents who have had major cardiac problems, on who died 2 years ago this month, and you have a brother who had open heart surgery in September, it would certainly get my attention. Neil thought he just had the flu that was going around: vomiting, diarrhea, trouble breathing, out of breath going up and down stairs, and sweating, a lot. But then when his arm began to hurt and he couldn't lie down and breath, he felt it had to be something more. He got up, told Carol to take him to the hospital and went to the cupboard and took two aspirins. She got him to the hospital and they did an EKG and then next thing he knew, he was in the back of an ambulance on his way from Buffalo Hospital to Mercy Hospital. He made the right decision.

Please everyone, make the right decisions. Hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them, even if you haven't spoken in a long time or you are mad over some stupid thing.

You never know how your day is going to start, and you never know how it is going to end. And you may not get another chance.

The List

2011-01-02T18:03:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. The list of resolutions, things to do or wishes you would like to come true. Some people call them goals, but for most of us, they are abandoned before the end of the week. Why make them in the first place?

I think for me, to have a whole year sitting in front of me all brand new and open, I need to have something to look forward to, something to work towards. Last year, I wanted a job, one that paid much better than the job I was laid off from. Mission accomplished, but it took a lot for me to get there.

I had to begin by wanting it so much I wasn't going to settle for anything less. Then, and this was even harder, I had to feel that I deserved to have that kind of money in my life. I sat down and figured out that if I had received all the raises and promotions and good reviews I should have, I would be making over $15 per hour. I decided for myself what would be acceptable and what would not. I wanted to be making as close to what I made at my old job ($13.91 per hour) and would take $11.00 per hour as a minimum wage to start. Then, I made a list.

I realized that once I did, the power was back in my hands. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I deserved. I wasn't going to take anything less than what was on that list.

My next step is something most people never do. I took action. I began looking at jobs with better pay, applying for those that would match up better with my set of skills, education and experience. I then rewrote my resume to reflect the new skills I had acquired as a temporary employee over the last few months. I began applying and sending out emails, and finally, I found a job as a Quality Control Inspector that was close to home. I received a call the same afternoon I sent my resume, scheduled the interview for the following day, and began working the following Monday. I've been there ever since. And I couldn't be happier!

Did I think this could be too good to be true? Yes. I had a few twinges of fear, that I would interview and not get the job like I had so many times through the year, and then be disappointed and beat myself up wondering what I did wrong. But I had a good feeling this was a different situation. I felt that I had found what I was looking for. And more importantly, I found what was a good match on my list.

There is power in setting goals and writing them down. But the power is even greater when you take one small step towards achieving them. It is as if the book you need to read, the class you need to take, the money you need to get there or the job you want is just waiting for you to just take that one small step. Sometimes you have to take a few more steps to get there or for God or the Universe to guide you in the right direction, but if you sit around afraid of what would happen if you did, you're still sitting around and it's a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade later and you will not be any closer to the life you really want.

Be Brave. Make your list. Feel you deserve it, and then take action. And have fun!

Happy New Year 2011!

2011-01-01T10:36:00.000-08:00

We rang in the New Year with our friends again this year, but it was a smaller crowd than the usual suspects we have. Most of that was due to the weather and everyone seemed to have other plans. Maybe they were just too tired of all the running around from the holidays, but we had a lot of good food and a good time and we bid farewell to a very challenging year.

I'm a "realistic optimist" and feel that this year has to be much better than the last. It seemed things are heading that way with what we are leaving behind us. I can believe that I will be much more motivated this year to have my books published and begin teaching and speaking. I have dreams about it. I have had dreams about it for the last few years, now I just have to make it happen. That isn't a resolution. I don't believe in resolutions. I believe in goals. Some of the goals I made last year I accomplished. Some I am going to carry through this year, but unlike other years, I am not going to go crazy and try to do them all at the same time. I realize with age, comes wisdom, and the fact that I just can't multitask effectively. I have learned to be more patient and I hope kinder, not just with other people and situations, but also with myself.

I am for the most part, very grateful that I have a new year to look forward to, but more than that, I am grateful the people I love the most are still here to share that year with me. I am going to do my best to be a better mother, girlfriend, daughter, sister, auntie and adopted granny. I'm going to try to also be a better employee and co-worker, and also a better writer and marketer. I want to look back on 2011 with pride and say, "Wow. I got a lot done this last year."

To all my friends, family, followers and fans, I want to say Happy New Year. I wish you all many blessings, better health, lots of wealth and much more happiness in the year to come.

Winter Wonderland 2010

2010-12-06T23:44:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken a few years ago at my MIL's place, and it still awes me how beautiful winter can sometimes be. This weekend we ended up with a few more inches of snow, and now that NaNoWriMo is finished for another year, I am getting anxious to tackle another writing project. But first, I have a lot of editing to do on some of the books and articles I have already written. One thing about the cold weather, it's a great gift to those of us who write. Sure, we are sometimes out in the snow and the cold, but when the wind whips up and the snow starts to drift in, there is nothing better than to be sitting in front of the computer with some great tunes and some hot chocolate. If the power goes out, then do it "old school" and write by candlelight and use a pen and a notebook. It's amazing what you can get done in the time you have.

When I was younger, I lived in North Dakota, where it seemed it snowed much more and more often than it does here in Minnesota. I remember the excitement of knowing a blizzard was coming so I would make sure I got to the public library and visit Mrs. Zimmerman who worked there, and I would check out as many Nancy Drew mysteries for myself, and some Agatha Christie mysteries for my mother, or maybe some Stephen King if she and Dad had not read his latest one in paperback. Then we would read, or cook something really good for dinner, like chicken and dumplings, or beef and noodles, or even hamburger gravy on toast, which my sister, Kelley would call "hamburger maybe on toast." We would be inside, safe and warm, and this was before the days of cable television and we would play board games, like Connect Four, or Sorry, or Uno.

I miss the days when we would get out of school early or if we were really lucky, there would be no school at all and it would be a Friday so we would have a 3-day weekend. Then we would go out in the snow and play and make igloos or carve a cave out of the drift of snow by the house or play "King on the Hill."

A lot of these memories came back to me this weekend when I was out shoveling at my MIL's house and out by my own garage. We had to put a new tire on the snow plow and I stood out there and marveled at how beautiful it all was covered in pure white. I hope you take some time this week to check out the marvels of this winter wonderland.

Have a great week, and stay warm!

NaNoWriMo: Thanksgiving Gift of 50,204 Words

2010-11-28T15:48:00.000-08:00

Total Word Count on Day 28: 50,204 verified!

As you can see, I have completed my goal of writing over 50,000 words in a novel in the month of November. True, I didn't write every single day or I would have finished this goal a few days ago, but I still feel like I accomplished something.

Is the novel finished? No. I still have a few things to do to complete the story. I have a lot of loose ends to tie up and a lot of chronological plot points to fix, not to mention, I lost complete track of what chapter I was on and just wrote "Chapter Something Something" to start off and end a section. The lesson in doing this is not to have something written that is "perfect," in the words of Fred Gleeck, "Done is better than perfect." I totally agree. I had to keep writing and keep going and just let the words flow out. To stop and edit, well, that would defeat the purpose and slow me down. Editing is for later. Get the story written down. Whatever you don't like about it, you can cut out and rewrite, or you can change it or if you love it and can't make it fit, then you can keep it, and find a way around it. There is more than one way to write a novel.

Congratulations to everyone this year who met and exceeded their goals, whether you participated in National Novel Writing Month or not. If you even wrote an article, a journal entry, a paragraph, or just a note to your spouse expressing how much you love them and you received a positive response, then you deserve congratulations. Writing is a very solitary and underappreciated undertaking. Most people who are not writers wish they could be, and most of the people who are writers know they can't be anything else.

Thanks to all my family and friends, writers and non-writers who cheered me on and told me to keep going. I appreciate all of your love and support and encouragement. Without that, this would never have happened. I truly appreciate all you have done for me, not just this month but every month this year.

I hope all of you had a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday and I will be posting soon about the novel and what I plan to do with it, so stay tuned. It's not completely over just yet! :)

NaNoWriMo: Skipping to Day 23

2010-11-24T00:27:00.000-08:00

NaNoWriMo word count as of Day 23: 45,065

Ok, I know, my updates haven't been as frequent or as timely. My apologies to all of you. I've been a bit busy.

I promise to let you all in on the details later, but for now, rest well in the knowledge I have not given up and I am still writing. :)

Have a great day! And stay warm. :)

NaNoWriMo: Days 12, 13, & 14

2010-11-14T19:17:00.000-08:00

Total word count: 32,675

I was looking at my previous posts and realized that most of them were not matching up with the dates. I am on Day 14 of my National Novel Writing Month novel. I have been writing on and off all weekend, and watching a lot of "Dexter" Season One and Two. Now I'm watching "Stargate: SG-1" on the television, not on Netflix.

We still have snow, but it's not like it was yesterday. It's really wet and heavy and if it warms up tomorrow, a lot of it will melt. The ground isn't even frozen yet. It's been nice to be home just hanging with my son, Alex, and my honey, QH. We had Pappa Murphy's All Meat Pizza with cheesy bread and cinnamon wheel for dinner. That's been the only time I've gone out of the house all weekend.

I have to get back to my writing.

I hope you all have a great week!

NaNoWriMo: Day 11-Whoohoo! Snow!

2010-11-13T00:20:00.000-08:00

Total word count as of Day 11: 30,469

Today is Friday. My day off. I usually have Fridays off, and I love and appreciate that fact, especially today. Why? Well, I take Fridays as my running around day: errands, cash my paycheck, grocery shopping, and usually, I am so tuckered out, the thought of cooking supper (tonight it was chinese from the China Buffet here in Zimmerman) or sitting down to write make me want to just take a shower, put on my jammies and call it a night.

Instead, I got home around 4:00 pm and was happy to still have a few minutes to settle in, get my stuff put away and then order dinner. The love of my life, QH, was home, and my son, who isn't feeling well and called in sick today, we all got to sit down TOGETHER and have a nice dinner. Since I work nights, it's usually rare that we are all home at the same time, let alone home together long enough to sit down and have a meal together that isn't breakfast on the weekend.

I just peeked outside and it is snowing. This is the first snowfall of the season here and I feel that I am not ready for snow yet. As QH pointed out to me, this is November, after all, and ironically, in the novel I am writing for NaNoWriMo, there is an impending snowstorm coming that will work into the plot and may be a background character in this novel. I can't change the weather, so I guess I will have to embrace the snow.

Most everyone wants me to post some of this novel, but I need to polish it up a bit before I can do that. And I want to finish it first. I want to have it all done before I start putting chapters out there for people to read.

In answer to the next logical question, "Are you going to publish it anywhere?" That's a good question. If I can't find someone to publish it in the traditional sense, I am playing with the idea of publishing it myself. Mainly because I have always wanted to learn what that whole process is about, not just by posting it on my blog or anything, but by going through the whole idea-to-book-to-print book form. I can publish it myself as an e-book, but I'm not sure right now what exactly I will do with it. I'm still playing and having a fabulous time doing it.

But more than just the Fun Factor, because I am doing a discipline, an adhered to writing schedule, a ritual, if you will, I can see that the rest of my life is falling into place. I have learned this before in the previous NaNoWriMos I have done in the past, even the ones I didn't win at. When you find something you really love to do, like write, sculpt, knit, play guitar, sing, or shoot targets, it doesn't matter what activity it is, if you can really lose yourself to it and time just flies by for you and you feel renewed by doing it, it is exactly what you need to do more of. Life is short. You may not wake up tomorrow. Will you really say, I'll really miss working today? Most of us don't like the jobs we do. My jobs have always enhanced my writing because I have been able to transfer the skills I have and apply them to my writing and vice versa.

And there is no greater boost to you or your mood when you accomplish a goal you set out to achieve. I was shooting for a minimum of 2,000 words per day. Today, I exceeded my expectations, and I feel fantastic: Whoohoo!

Stay safe, stay warm and go play in the snow tomorrow, if it sticks around long enough to play in or make a snowman or two!

NaNoWriMo: Day 9 & 10 Past the Halfway Mark

2010-11-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

Total word count after Day 9 & 10: 25,358

I was hoping I would get past the halfway mark after today, and I am proud to say I have met my goal. I was feeling a bit under the weather, mostly I think due to the time change. For some reason, it seems to be affecting me more this year than in other years. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm an old woman! :)

Anyway, I did write some words on Day 9, but I wasn't in the mood to write last night and tonight, I just sat down and let it all go and when I couldn't see the keyboard anymore and I kept making mistakes, I decided to see where my word count was, and there it is above.

Now, I'm heading to bed. More writing tomorrow. I want to see if I can finish this before next week. :)

NaNoWriMo: Day 8 The Fingers Are Flying!

2010-11-09T00:33:00.000-08:00

Total word count as of Day 8: 20,961

I cannot believe I am almost halfway done after one week! I did write a lot today, I had a few plot points I wanted to get into my novel and they did, and my characters are becoming more real and more clear as I am writing this. I know that I'm going to have to edit A LOT if I want to sell this or publish it myself, but I am having so much fun!

I have a lot of respect for people like Stephen King, James Patterson, John Sandford, and Nora Roberts, Janet Evanovich and Patricia Cornwell. I can see how much writing takes and if you have a job, like I do, and a family, the writing has to be scheduled or it won't get done. I feel much better this last week since I started doing National Novel Writing Month than I have in past years during NaNoWriMo and even this last year! I feel almost guilty for enjoying this so much.

Now, it's off to bed. I have a lot more writing and other stuff to do tomorrow. I will keep you all posted, so please check back tomorrow or leave a comment. And thank you for your support.

NaNoWriMo: Day 6 & 7

2010-11-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

Total word count after Day 6 & 7: 15,316

Here I am, ready to fall asleep at the keyboard. I got up at 7:00 am this morning thinking it was still 8:00 am this morning because I forgot to set all my clocks back. Thank goodness my cell phone did it automatically and we were able to get everything synchronized to the correct time. I still feel like it's later than it really is, and I know from past experience that it's going to take me a while to get used to this new time change.

This weekend the weather was beautiful and it was also a bit hectic. We took care of a lot of things around the house and the yard, including washing my windows inside and out. I also had to take a trip to the Humane Society of Coon Rapids because someone dumped six small kittens off at our place. They were about 8 weeks old, all had their eyes open and were mewing and crying and scratching all night to come into my house, then the next day into the garage. We don't like cats, but we were not going to put with them running around mewing and crying and getting run over by one of us or become owl food out here in the great outdoors I call my backyard. I had a hard time sleeping that night because I could hear them crying and scratching and I wanted to let them in, but I knew if I did, that would be it. Saturday we picked them up, they were not afraid of us, put them into a box and I took them to the Humane Society, the same place I had adopted my Eesha girl over 15 years ago.

I brought them in, and told the nice lady what had happened, she checked them all out and filled out the paperwork. They are old enough to be spayed/neutered, and will have the surgery this week, then be micro chipped and finally put up for adoption on Wednesday or Thursday. Maybe sooner, depending on how things go. I can check on them online because they all were assigned a number and there is a website so I will know when they are adopted. How cool is that?

One more thing.

I want to make this clear to everyone.

I don't want any cats.

Ever.

I'm a dog person and I don't want a dog right now either.

I have a crazy work schedule and a crazy writing schedule and I barely have time to spend with the love of my life, QH, and my son, Alex.

I have no time for pets, and this is not the humane society or the animal shelter. If you have a pet and are not responsible enough to have it fixed and think dumping off the litter someplace out in the woods by some houses is a great idea, you are dead wrong. Take them to the humane society where they can be put up for adoption. Be more intelligent than your animals. You have opposible thumbs for crying out loud. If you haven't had your pet fixed, do it! And don't give me that, "I can't afford it get them fixed." If you can't be responsible and help keep the pet populations down, then you don't need to be a pet owner.

Now, I'm getting off my soapbox and going to bed. Have a good Monday. :)

NaNoWriMo: Day 5 Back In The Saddle Again

2010-11-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Total word count as of the end of Day 5: 10,149

I guess that two day break did me a lot of good. Today was my errands day and I spent it also seeing my nephew, Cannon, who is four years old. He is in preschool this year, and he was telling me all about school, and Star Wars, and his new video game and trick-or-treating and all other sorts of stories. I love being around him and I miss him so much. I used to babysit him from the time he was 6 weeks old until this spring, and he brings so much joy and laughter. You miss that sometimes in your day-to-day when you don't have small children around. (I am not going to be birthing any babies. I enjoy other babies so I can spoil them and send them home to their parents! Sorry, Mom.)

I also stopped a my parents house to see my Mom and Dad, but Dad was at the doctor's office. Mom was glad to see me, and we had a nice visit. I'm going back to their house tomorrow so I can see Dad and pick up my jars so I can make jelly.

The funny thing is, I have been just so busy today and I was really tired, but then I said, I have to write my 2,000 words, at least, and then once I got started and got the music cranking in my headphones, I just flew through the words. Amazing. I guess it's like exercise, that you may not feel like doing it, and you whine about it and then once you start doing it, you feel like a million bucks because you didn't wuss out and fall asleep in front of the television, AGAIN, drooling on yourself watching something like "The Men Who Stare At Goats."

I feel much better now, and I'm really tired. More tomorrow. :)

NaNoWriMo: Day 3 & 4

2010-11-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

Total word count for the past 2 days: 0 (zero)

Now, let's talk about this. I know I promised I was going to write 2,000 words a day or more. So far, I have met or exceeded that goal. Now I have two days with no words written on my novel. I'm ok with that.

Part of being in this writing challenge is to know when you need a break, not a long one, but a short one. I have a job, a family, a house to clean, laundry to do, and a voice in my head that begins to wear on my nerves when I am not taking care of these things. The voice turns louder and becomes many voices and nags at me until I DO SOMETHING about the situation or the laundry or makes dinner, or in my case, makes cookies. I also had to give myself time to work things out in my plot.

I know, it sounds like I'm copping out or making excuses for procrastinating, but the truth of it is, I usually get a little worn around the edges when I start out with such a lofty goal and hit it really hard right out of the gate. I did need a break. I was pooped. And since I am working a full time job while I'm doing this, I have to make sure nothing is slipping in my performance at work.

If you are concerned for my mental well being, I appreciate and acknowledge your concern. Thank you. But I am on medication and I'm fine, voices and all. I also have had a long "conversation" with my characters in my novel and they are promising to make things interesting for this novel challenge. This one might be published. Who knows? You never know until you write it. And that's a more important lesson for any writer out there. If you don't write it out, you won't know if it works or not. Even if it doesn't work, you didn't lose anything at all because you learn so much from going through the process of writing.

Now, I'm going to take a shower, relax and go to bed. And then I'm going to wake up to another beautiful day tomorrow (I hope), and will write my butt off.

Stay tuned...

NaNoWriMo 2010: Day 2

2010-11-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

I'm now at 6,747 words total.

I'm flying through this novel. I feel like a runner in a marathon, and the high they talk about as they reach a mile marker and know they are well on their way to the next marker.

I never run. Most of you who know me personally, know that even though I should, I never run. Exercise is the "E" word to me, but I can walk. I love to walk. And now that things are starting to settle in my life and in my writing, I feel the urge to walk. Especially this week.

Last week the weather was like walking out in a hurricane. The cold and the wind and the rain and the dark clouds made you just want to climb back into bed and sleep. This week, the sun is shining and the temperatures are cooler, but the sky is that bright brilliant blue that it only gets in the fall, and with the white puffy clouds, it feels like a perfect day. The leaves make noise underneath your feet, and the trees have bared their hands to heaven. Smells like wood burning and a pumpkin pie baking or some banana bread warm and out of the oven, just make you want to bottle days like this and save them.

Writing is my way of recording what I observe, make sense of what I see, taste, smell, hear, and most importantly, feel. I have always been an observer. I've been content to over hear conversations, to look and watch to see what happens. I was blessed to find a partner in life who enjoys "people watching" like I do and we love when we can just sit back and see how people interact in large crowds, in public, with their families, and their kids.

We also like reading the T-shirts.

One of the most important lessons I take from doing an exercise like NaNoWriMo is the fact I can write whatever I want and it can be the worst crap in America.

And that's ok.

For many years, I thought to be a good writer, you had to struggle and you had to perfect every word, every sentence, every paragraph. You don't have to be that rigid. You can just write. Write your ass off. Write because you feel like it. Write because you are happy, sad, confused, hurt, or bored.

One of the best lessons from Mrs. Fliginger was to just write something, anything, until you write something else. If we couldn't think of something to write, then she would say, "Then write 'I don't know what to write' until you think of something better to write."

I have had to do that to get through my articles, to finish my NaNoWriMo novels in the past when I have let the perfection run me right into a writer's block. It's a trick that works so well. It's so simple and so easy. You almost think it has to be more complicated than that to work. Stop complicating it.

Just write. Be happy, and just write.

NaNoWriMo 2010

2010-11-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was debating this year if I would participate in National Novel Writing Month and after some thought, I decided I would. I was more anxious to get started this year than in other years, maybe because I've had the plot of the horror/thriller novel I've started writing in my brain for a few months. Just like in past years, I didn't have the whole plot, but just a rough of what I wanted to write and I would just write it, editing later or letting it sit in limbo in my harddrive. But this year, it's been clear to me more than ever before that the reason I was so anxious to begin is because I've been repressing my writing tendencies for the last few months. I've let life get in the way of my writing.

First it was my new job, which has helped me organize my thoughts and the rest of my life and I've been busy there helping them get things together for events that have come up. I'm looking forward to being hired on full-time, but having a process, a discipline if you will, has helped my writing, when I've taken the time to do it, immensely. I've been able to clarify my thoughts, organize my thoughts and to manage my time much more efficiently. I've been able to write in my journal, sporadically, but I have to write at least a few times a week or I get really crabby.

My English teacher, Mrs. Fliginger, always told us that to be a better communicator you must write at least 2 pages per day, that's 2 notebook pages, front and back, wide ruled. I sometimes write more, sometimes I write less, but I shoot for at least 2 pages in my journal, and it's wide ruled. Thanks to her, I can't write in a college ruled notebook. It just seems wrong.

But the one thing this NaNoWriMo does for me, is the equivalent of running a marathon. You push yourself to see how far you can go. You set goals for yourself and with each word you write you come closer to the finish line. It make take me all month to write this novel, it may not. But thank goodness I have the opportunity to see what I can do. I feel so wonderful after I've "won" a NaNoWriMo and last year, I bragged and told everyone I was going to win it in the first week. Instead, I failed miserably, fell flat on my face. I was so embarrassed by my ego and my lack of organization I didn't even finish my novel nor did I post how many words I wrote. Not this year.

This year, I will post my daily word count on my blog here and on the NaNoWriMo website. If you want to check up on me there, go to www.nanowrimo.org and look for Laura Crawford.

To my fellow writers and NaNo participants, Good luck and Happy Writing!

October Days

2010-10-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

This is sunset on Lake Mille Lacs near Isle, facing Father Hennepin State Park.

This has been serenity for me and QH, the love of my life, the last few weeks. We drive an hour to get there, and an hour to get back home, but the last few weeks it has been worth it. The weather has been phenomenal, even though the fishing hasn't, but when you can see bald eagles diving for fish, loons diving and surfacing and a sunset like this that pictures don't do justice, it's worth the work and the miles to be there.

I'm sad this season and this month have gone by so fast. Fall seemed to be here suddenly and going just as fast. But I feel like I've enjoyed more of it this year than I did last year. And while I didn't do as much canning this year, I know I've accomplished a lot in the last couple of months, much more than I believed I could or expected I could.

With winter coming, I know things have to be done to prepare. The windows need to be covered in plastic. I need to find the boots, the winter coats and gloves. The winter car kits needs to be re-assembled and put in the vehicles, not to mention the cars themselves need to be attended to: oil changes, tire rotations, and checking of the antifreeze levels.

Outside, the tomatoes are gone. The flowers are dying more with each passing frost. The hummingbird feeders are now clean and drying and waiting for spring.

I know most people think the fall season is depressing, but I find it rejuvenating. Halloween is coming and there is something special about the bare, dark arms of the trees stretching into the night sky, with a full moon, as if they were hands reaching up to hold it there in the sky. The brown and dry corn fields, the scarecrows, the pumpkins, the rustle of leaves as you walk through them. The smell of wood burning in a bonfire outside, and the call of ducks and geese as they gather and fly overhead.

I think of all the things I accomplished this year, and all the things I still want to accomplish. I went to the Grand Opening of the new bookstore in town called the Reading Frenzy Bookshop, and I was like a kid at Christmas. A place for me to buy books, donate the books I have read, and soon, to have my own book sitting on that shelf for sale. I saw myself in there at my own book signing, and dreamed last night of holding a writing class there. All things I have yet to accomplish in the physical world, but still alive in my imagination. It may take a month or two to make it happen, but I will accomplish my writing dreams.

October is a time for me to check my yearly "To-Do" List and see if I am where I want to be.

I love this time of year, and love the sights and sounds of all the October Days.

Cherish them while you can.

You Just Never Know What People Are Struggling With

2010-09-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight started like any other night at work. Later, it would change in a direction I never expected.

I heard the story on the news about a man in Siren, Wisconsin, who was killed after shooting at people randomly, wounding 3 people, including a sherriff's deputy who was shot in the arm and ended up firing on the suspect. The suspect was shot in the throat and died on the way to the hospital. The full story is here at this link:

http://wcco.com/crime/siren.shooting.deputy.2.1934767.html

When I heard this story on the news, I thought, "What the hell is going on in this world?" I was glad to hear that nobody else was killed or seriously hurt. Then you think, "What on Earth could be so bad that you have to start shooting at people because they are there? There had to be something really wrong with that person (the suspect) for them to just go out shooting like that."

For the people who were shot at, it had to be terrifying. I can't imagine what they must have gone through, especially the van with a family and children in the vehicle.

I feel sad for the family who lost their loved one in such a manner, wondering what could have been done to help them. What were they going through that was so terrible? Did they just lose their job? Did they break up with a significant other? Did someone they care about recently pass away suddenly? You just never know what people are struggling with, which is why it's best to try and be kind to people, even if they aren't very kind to you.

Mike Ritchie was someone I only knew a few short weeks at my new job. He was a set-up tech, and was usually the first one in with the start ups and a smile. He usually brought us Jolly Rancher candies or butterscotches and was happy to tell us stories about Siren, Wisconsin, where he drove home to every day from work, and then drove back to work each day to Anoka, Minnesota. I knew he liked to hunt because he talked about deer hunting and bear hunting.

The last day I saw him, he looked like he was upset about something. He didn't smile and joke like he did before. He didn't say anything. He just came in with some paperwork and then turned around and left. Not like him at all. I remembered him saying his cat had died, and he was upset about that, but I didn't know if that was troubling him or if there was something else. I didn't know much about him.

I didn't ask.

It was none of my business.

I just chalked it up to he was having a bad day and thought, "He'll work it out for himself."

Nobody but Mike and God know what was going through his mind on Sunday morning at 11:45 a.m. when he began shooting randomly at people in Siren, Wisconsin. No autopsy in the world will be able to rerun the last thoughts going through his brain. It will say if he was on drugs, alcohol or under the influence of some other substance. But for his family and his friends, the question will still be, "Why?"

Mike, I hope you find peace, wherever you are. And I'm sorry I didn't ask what was bothering you. I don't know if it would have made a difference or not in what happened on Sunday. I'll never know.

My prayers go out to those people Mike shot at. I hope you all can overcome this terrifying incident and can still find the good in people.

Please, everyone, be kind to one another. And if you see someone is not acting the way they usually do, please, ask them if they need to talk, or if there is something they need. Sometimes people just need to vent and sometimes just knowing somebody acknowledges they are there means the difference between triumph or tragedy.

But if someone is depressed and in trouble, make it your business, especially if they are a friend or a relative. You may save more than one life just by asking a simple question, "Are you ok?"

Cooler Weather, Fall Cleaning and Chicken Feet

2010-09-15T23:52:00.000-07:00

Fall is my favorite time of year, always has been, always will be. I used to look forward to shopping for school supplies, new clothes, and new shoes and the changing colors of the leaves on the trees. The weather here is considerably cooler than it was 2 or 3 weeks ago and I am welcoming it with open arms. Soon I will be cooking and canning and preparing what I can for the winter to come. There is a sense of accomplishment, love and pride when you look at all those jars, big and small sealed and full of something spicy or sweet.

The funny thing is, when I was younger, I hated helping my mother with canning. Now, I think it's the greatest thing!

The last couple of weeks have been really out of control and I've done what I can to cope. I can't control what's happening around me to the ones I love or what will happen later on down the road for them, but I can control my own environment. Fall Cleaning Bug has hit me hard, not just at home, but at work as well. Out with the clutter, and the stuff that is just collecting dust and taking up space. I'm beginning to feel a lot better, better than I have in a really long time.

I keep asking, "Why the hell did I hang on this? What the hell was I thinking?" The answer is simple. I wasn't thinking. I was impulsively buying stuff I didn't need or stuffing crap in boxes or tubs or containers and stuffing them under my bed or my closets. I still feel a bit guilty for throwing things away, but most of the stuff I have I know I can take to Goodwill or the Salvation Army and it can be put to good use by someone else. I just have to stop and live with the empty spaces. No matter how uncomfortable it feels at first. I know I can't let things clutter up like I have in the past. It's not healthy to hang on to things you don't use or love anymore. I have to learn to let go. It's hard, because I've lost so much in my life, and using the stuff to fill the voids was comforting for a while, but now, it's annoying me, and I realize it's rather sad. I don't want to live like this anymore.

And I really don't want to end up on the next episode of "Hoarders."

It was during my lastest cleaning binge this weekend that I had one of the most humorous moments in the last month. It was Sunday, and the weather was beautiful, so I had the windows and the doors wide open. I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing my bathroom floor, and I got up to shake out my rugs and sweep and mop the kitchen and the entryway. I came into the kitchen and saw a spot of red behind my kitchen chair. I looked under the table. Guess what I saw?

CHICKEN FEET!

My neighbor has chickens and they have been spotted roaming around the road and the driveway. I don't really know they are around, but that morning, the rooster made his presence known under my open bedroom window. After a few "choice words" I heard the window shut and I went back to sleep. And now, here I am looking at Mr. Rooster's feet under my kitchen table!

Alex was sitting in front of the computer with his headphones on, watching a movie, so he was oblivious to what was going on. I got his attention, and asked him to help me get the chicken out of the house.

We tried to shoo the rooster out of the doors, but he ended up going behind my couch, then under the end table. Finally, he found his way out behind the recliner. All the while I'm trying to whistle, coo, click and wondering, "What the hell do you say to a chicken to get their attention?" I'm a country girl at heart, but I've never had any experience with farm fowl, so I was improvising the best I could.

He finally exited and I shut both the doors.

It's too bad I didn't have the camera going. It would have been hilarious on YouTube!

I hope you all have a good week!

Good News-Times Four!

2010-09-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

Here are the updates on the family. It's all good news (I'm an optimist)!

The update on my Dad: The test results came in on Friday. He did have cancer. The mass was contained in the section removed from his colon. Only one (1) lymph node out of twenty-seven (27) showed cancer cells. This means the cancer hasn't spread to any other organs and he will have to go through treatment once he recovers from surgery. I can't tell you how lucky he is, or how lucky we are this is how things turned out. Now we just need to get him to cooperate with what the doctors want him to do, like no heavy lifting, following instructions, etc. He may be coming home on Tuesday.

The update on Virgil: QH's brother came through his quadruple bypass on Wednesday and may be home on Tuesday as well.

The update on Alex: The pins were removed from his right hand on Tuesday (the same day as Dad's surgery). He's continuing with hand therapy and still on work restrictions, but the doctor is pleased with his progress so far. He may have to have a second surgery to straighten out his fingers. We'll have to wait and see.

The update on Jesse & Patrice: On Friday, September 10, they welcomed Lillian Mary Milless into the world. We visited her and her parents on Saturday. She is beautiful and healthy and is going to be well loved, like her big sister, Ava Jeanne.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers, well wishes, and good thoughts. We all appreciate your love and support. Now I can't wait to go back to my regular schedule, with a few improvements. But I feel like we won the lottery the last couple of months. Things could've been so much worse, but I am so grateful they turned out the way they did. Now to put this all behind us and keep moving forward.

Have a great week and remember to count your blessings!

Goal for Today: Live

2010-09-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

This Labor Day weekend didn't pan out like we wanted. I'm telling all of this here for my family and friends, so they will know what happened.

Saturday afternoon, my mother called to tell me my father was in the hospital. I was shocked, but not surprised. Dad hasn't been feeling well for months. He has had digestion issues, and twice that I know of, he's been suffering from bowel obstructions. This time he had one again, and he surrendered and let Mom take him to North Memorial in Maple Grove to the Emergency Room.

Sunday, Mom called to say Dad would be having surgery. She added, "Your Dad has colon cancer." I felt the blood drain down to my feet. His sister, Colleen, had colon cancer. She lived with a colostomy bag for the rest of her life, which ended way too soon last year in August. I got ready and Alex and I went to the hospital to see him.

Dad didn't look good. He was in pain, and still trying to pass the obstruction. The doctors had a large bottle of clear liquid with some pineapple flavoring that he was supposed to drink by the end of the day to help things along. We didn't stay long so Dad could rest. My brother, Andy, and his lovely wife, Lisa, drove all the way to Minnesota from Oklahoma and arrived on Monday.

Monday, Dad was scheduled for surgery, but it was post-poned to Tuesday. We saw Dad at the hospital and he was looking better than I'd seen him in months. He was smiling, drinking coffee and sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. I was hopeful, this might actually turn out okay. Please God, let this turn out okay.

Tuesday, surgery day, I called my very understanding employer and told them what was going on, and that I would not be in and why. I was there with Mom, Kelley, Andy, Lisa and Alex. Alex and I had a busy day already because Tuesday was the day his pins came out of his hand. He called it a "declawing" and now I can't call him "Wolverine" anymore. It was a relief, for both of us.

The surgeon, Dr. Kern, was a striking resemblence to my cousin, Nick, Jr. He explained in plain English what he was going to do and how, and what his goals were, best case and worst case. I imagined him in a uniform as a military surgeon, like he just got home from Iraq or Afghanistan and walked right back into performing surgery on civilians. Dr. G.I.Joe.

Mom all through this was shaking, all the time. She wasn't going to be distracted by anything or anyone. She couldn't take her mind off of what was happening. Neither could I. I don't think anyone of us has slept right or eaten right or paid much attention to anything the last few days.

The surgery started around 2:10 p.m. and it was over when Dr. Kern walked out at 3:40 p.m. to explain how things went. Better than expected. Dad was able to keep his spleen, no colostomy bag, and Dr. Kern was able to sew together both pieces of his colon and he took the mass they found, and a few lymph nodes to send for testing for cancer. We should hear by Friday, September 10th, what the results are. As he left, and walked out of the lobby, Mom collapsed into tears.

"It's over, it's over, it's finally over," she sobbed into her hands. We all gathered around Mom, hugging her and crying.

Before Dad went to surgery that day, I looked at his board. It tells his name, the date, the name of his doctor, etc. Down a little lower, it reads: "Goal for Today".

Dad wrote: "Live."

Mission Accomplished, Dad. Mission Accomplished.

Those of you out there reading this, please, if you are not feeling yourself, or if you have a high risk of colon cancer or prostate cancer in your family history, don't let economics get in the way of your health. If you have to beg, borrow or steal, or sell a few things, please, get your colonoscopy exam after age 50. Get your mammograms and your pap smears. Don't die of embarrassment or because you think you can't afford it.

Goal for Today: Live.

Cooler Sunday

2010-08-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

Last night we were at the Wolf Den for the Annual Pirate Party when we noticed the weather changed quite drastically. There was a small shower that passed through and then it was like all the heat and humidity was sucked out by the blowing wind. I was ready to head to the car to get my jacket, but I braved it out until we went home. It was so nice and cool and refreshing! I didn't want it to end! And the breeze was keeping the mosquitos at bay so it was wonderful to be outside.

Today we spent most of the day with the windows wide open and the air conditioning off. Man, what a difference that makes! Much cooler Sunday, makes for a more productive and happier me. I was going to spend the day in the house cleaning and cooking and other things, but instead, Alex and I went to the video store in Zimmerman to rent some movies. Then we headed to my parents house to see my Dad who just returned home from North Dakota on Saturday night. He's the last one to see Alex's hand, and we gave him some excellent black grapes we bought at Jim's Market in Zimmerman. Mom and Dad sent home some homegrown potatoes, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes along with a piece of smoked fish and some salt water pickles.

In telling the story of what happened to Alex on Thursday night, we noticed something. Thursday, August 12, is George's birthday. George is QH's Dad who passed away in January of 2009. And the name of the surgeon was George Landis. I believe QH's Dad was watching over Alex the night of the accident.

I am still so very grateful he didn't have a worse injury than what he had. I'm still fighting that mother's instinct to do everything for him because he's my baby and he's hurt. But Alex is a grown man, and not a baby anymore. He wants to do as much for himself as he can, and yes, just like his mother, he won't ask for help unless it's absolutely necessary, meaning, as a last resort. I know that if I baby him, he'll be worse off, and he will not heal. If he meets the challenges he's facing on his own, in his own way, he will speed his own recovery, and hopefully stave off any depression or feelings of uselessness he might have with only being able to use one hand. It's a hard lesson for both of us, but we will be stronger for it.

This has been a hard week for lessons. In the town of Zimmerman, a young man named Glen "Bubba" Bye died in a car accident two weeks ago. He was the quarterback of the Zimmerman Thunder football team and a baseball player with a very bright future. He was on his way to work when he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree. A Good Samaritan was with him after finding him, so he was not alone when he died, according to his mother on a recent news report.

I cannot imagine what pain that family is going through. My son is home, he's broken right now, but he's going to be okay. I worried about him being on the ship when he was in the Navy, when he went to Haiti during Operation Unified Response and when he was in South America. I imagined all sorts of horrible things happening that didn't happen, and then he comes home and this happens.

In true Crawford Tradition, if things are going really well, start worrying. Something's coming and it ain't good. I was hoping and praying Alex would be unscathed, but it was not meant to be. I know he must be playing the "What If?" game, "If I'd only done this, not that, then I would be ok." Well, those games don't change what's happened. The best use of your energy and time is to heal from what's happened and move on, remembering the lessons learned.

More Gray Hairs

2010-08-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

I came home Thursday night after work, looking forward to a nice, long shower, the air-conditioned comfort of my house, and a fun weekend. What greeted me as I arrived was QH with a worried look on his face. Uh-Oh.

My son, Alex, broke all four fingers on his right hand in a press brake machine at his job. He was taken by ambulance to North Memorial Hospital and had to have emergency surgery. QH said the fingers weren't crushed, just broken, and they were still attached, both good news, but he had trouble finding my new work number and wasn't able to call and tell me sooner. My cell phone works sporadically at best in the shop, so there was no way for him to reach me. Since Alex was in surgery, he decided to wait up until I came home to tell me.

I jumped into the shower, changed, and gathered some clothes and Alex's eyeglasses (he wears contacts), and pretty much ran out the door. QH was exhausted, and had to work the next day, so he went to bed. I drove in a wild thunderstorm to Robbinsdale, praying Alex would be okay. I wouldn't know how bad it really was until I saw my son.

When I was nearing Maple Grove, Alex called me and said he was out of surgery and in a room. He gave me the room number and I could hear he was groggy and tired, and I told him I was on my way with his clothes and his glasses. I got to the hospital, checked in with information, and made my way up the elevator to his room.

When I walked in, I saw his hand propped up on a pile of pillows, wrapped in a splint. His finger tips were visible and were nice and pink, not black and blue. I did see some dried blood, and he said it did bleed when it happened, but he said he could feel his fingertips and his thumb was ok. He said he heard the bones break when it happened, and they cut his T-shirt off when he got to the hospital. He also said he felt really stupid. I told him to get over that. Beating himself up over something he can't change was not going to do him any good. I told him it was an accident, and to concentrate on resting for now, and healing from this later.

His bosses at work were at the hospital earlier, checking up on how he was doing. Telling him he still has a job when he's ready to come back to work.

The nurses came in and gave me a few blankets and a pillow to settle in for the night. I slept in the recliner, watching the storm rage outside the window. I was thankful he would be ok, as I drifted in and out, but knew until I spoke with the surgeon, I would not relax until I knew for sure.

We spent the day at the hospital yesterday, and finally the surgeon, Dr. George Landis, arrived. I was immediately relieved by his presence, he was very kind and explained what happened with his hand, how he repaired it, and what his prognosis would be. I felt relief when he said there was no nerve damage and minimal tissue damage to his hand and with some therapy, he would get the full use of his right hand. He said Alex could come home and set about discharging him with instructions.

In 21 years, I've never had to go through Alex having a broken bone, or a trip to the emergency room. I told him 21 years without a broken bone wasn't bad, considering I had 6 broken bones before 2nd Grade, 4 stiches in my knee at 9 years old and a concussion at 15 years old.

I am grateful to the surgeon, the medics, and the nurses who took care of my son before I got to the hospital and while I was there. I can't say enough about the excellent job they did, and my gratitude extends to the supervisors Alex worked with who called 911 and put ice on his hand right away.

He's got a lot to think about in the next few weeks, and getting around with one hand is going to be a challenge, but my son is my son. He will come through this stronger than he ever thought he was, and while he will have some scars, I know he'll be a better man for it.

Thanks to my family and friends who have sent their well wishes for Alex and for me and QH. I have a few more gray hairs, but my son is still here and he will heal.

Flying Without A Cape

2010-07-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July holiday. We spent it together with friends and family and a good time was had by all. Thankfully, the weather cooperated so the fireworks were amazing.

The heat and humidity have been up and down, and when it's up, I'm hiding in the house in the air conditioning. When it's down, I've been out weeding the tomatoes and the flower beds. I feel so much better being outside, but the heat just makes me nauseous. Ever since that last temp job, I can't handle the heat.

Speaking of jobs, I feel a bit like Wonder Woman or Super Girl flying around without a cape. I haven't worked in a few weeks, and I'm trying to stay busy, and positive at the same time, but there is still the worry that I won't have another job. There are a lot more jobs being posted, but most are things I'm overqualified for or under qualified for, or I have zero experience.

I'm beginning to think I'll have to invent my own damn job. Hmmmm. Sounds like fun! :)

I'll keep you posted with my progress.

A quick shout out to my old classmates from Garrison High School in Garrison, North Dakota (Class of '87). I'm sorry I couldn't make the All Class Reunion this year, but maybe the next one. I hope all of you are doing well and are safe, and if you are on Facebook, look me up: Laura Crawford.

Have a great weekend!

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day!

Thanks to my Dad for always being there for me and for my son, Alex. You taught me so many things, including how to fish, and I cherish all those memories I have of us in the boat on Lake Sakakawea in North Dakota. You raised me as your own and I am grateful to still have you in my life.

Thanks to QH, who has been Alex's Dad for the last 15 of his 21 years. You have also been a great Dad to your own sons who still call and ask you for guidance and advice. You've also become a wonderful grandpa and I love you more each day when I see you melt holding little Ava in your arms.

Thanks to my grandfather, Julian (Bud) Crawford, who passed on when I was fifteen. He gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me, "Trust your gut." Coming from a World War II veteran, it's proven to be the wisest and truest thing I've ever heard. I've always regretted when I've gone against this advice. Thanks, Grandpa.

Thanks also to George Hathaway, QH's Dad, who passed away last year. Your son is fond of saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff," which is your advice. We all miss you and your laugh, especially when we watch Bugs Bunny, or Yosemite Sam ("Whoa, Camel!"). Thanks also for being my "reading buddy."

And finally, thanks to the father I never met. There have been times in my life when I thought I hated you for abandoning me and Mom all those years ago. I also wondered over the years why you never looked for me, or why I never looked harder for you. If you are alive or have passed on, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I've forgiven you for abandoning us, and have decided to let that fantasy of a tearful, Oprah-moment reunion go on and be part of my past. I can't carry that around anymore, I have much more important things to do. I've had a good life, and will continue to have a good life, with or without you. After all, you are the one missing out.

If your father is alive, or estranged from you, or passed on, find a moment to thank them, or forgive them (which is for your benefit, not theirs), or send a prayer to them. Dad's don't get the recognition they deserve, and often don't get shown the love and support they need to be active, loving parents. The court system often ignores the rights of fathers in divorce and custody hearings, when all they want is to be part of their children's lives, not just financially, but physically and emotionally as well. As a country, we need to stop putting all the power in the hands of the courts and the bias against fathers needs to end.

Thanks to all the fathers who have stepped up, taken responsibility and raised their sons and daughters to do the same. And a special thanks to all the Dads who are serving our country in the armed forces, both at home and abroad.

Observations On Birthdays, Classic Cars and Temp Jobs

2010-06-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I've turned a year older (June 11th). Considering how the last year was, I'm grateful I'm still alive and kicking. I'm also grateful I still have everything and everyone in my life.

Ironically, one year to the day I lost my full time job at the plastics factory in Rogers, I was cancelled at a plastics factory in Maple Plain I was hoping would be a temp-to-hire position.

It was more devastating than the first time because as hard as it was to lose my job and the friends I had there in Rogers, it was even harder this time because I had such high expectations. I talked to the staffing agency and asked what on Earth happened. No reason, really, just that's just the way the temp job-ball- bounces. As my son is fond of saying, "Here's your straw. Now suck it up."

I can't help taking it personally, and I also can't help getting attached to the people I work with. I'm a social butterfly. If you think about it, we all spend more time with the people we work with than we do with our own immediate families. When you click as a working unit and you all get along and help each other, it's a great thing, not just for the company's bottom line, but for everyone. I loved the hours, I didn't mind the drive (about a 35 to 45 minutes from my doorstep to the plant). I even had a lady who was car pooling with me who lived a few blocks away from me! That never happens in Zimmerman, Minnesota!

But then, I ended up working last week in a thermoforming plastics plant in Elk River. It was plastics, larger parts and windshields and stuff, but I had no idea what I was in for. All I knew was I needed a paycheck coming in. Thursday morning, my lightbulb moment occurred.

After four nights of working there, the last night I nearly passed out from the heat. In order for the plastic parts to be formed, there are sheets that must be placed on a tray and put into an oven set at volcanic. The sheets come out of the oven, and are pressed into a mold and then you trim them and package them. They are not running at full capacity on the 3rd shift...yet.

I decided after surviving that final night cutting out windshields in a corner with no fan and next to one of those ovens, I would be dead in another week. Heat exhaustion is not fun. I'm so surprised I didn't end up in the emergency room. I came home, took a shower then turned the cold water on as long as I could stand it because I was so overheated my skin looked like I had a sunburn.

As the cold water ran down my head to my feet I had a life altering thought. "I'm not going back. There is a better way to make money that won't kill me. I'll do whatever it takes, work any other job, but not this one or anything like it, ever again."

I got out of the shower, dried off, put on my PJ's and called the staffing agency and told them I would like a different job, please. I told them I would not be able to perform the job effectively because of the heat and the physicality of the job itself. You need more strength to lift those heavy and awkward sheets of plastic, and if I was 100 pounds lighter and 20 years younger, I might be ok. But the realization set in I'm not, and I can do so much more than kill myself at a job I can't perform as well as they want, nor, do I want to.

I say it's the equivalent of hitting bottom. I know now what I will do and won't do for a paycheck. You won't hear me complaining about flipping burgers, asking if you want fries with that or scrubbing toilets. Any job right now, will be a blessing.

Since then, I've been severely dehydrated and drinking water as much as possible to keep from getting sick. My hands are swollen, but I'm hoping it will pass once my system is flushed out. Ok, enough whining. On to more fun things.

This weekend is Back to the 50's weekend at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds. I'll be posting some pictures at my website, http://www.lauramcrawford.com/, and you can get a taste below of some of the more unusual cars on display.

Alex was still feeling under the weather, but QH and I did our fair share of walking until our feet hurt. Because we had a dinner date at Jesse & Patrice's, we came home about noonish, had a sandwich for lunch and then took a nap until it was time to head out to their house.

Ava, who is now 15 months old, woke up when we got there. She was so funny walking around barefoot in her little summer dress. I read to her, and we played trucks and "peek-a-boo." I always seem to get my perspective when I visit her.

I'm a bad Gamma because I don't visit her enough. That's another lightbulb moment I had, was realizing how fast she's growing up and her little sister will be arriving in September, and I need to spend more time with her.

I look at Alex, my son, and can't believe he's now 21 years old, has served in the Navy, done all the things he's done, and seen all the places he's seen. It's hard to look back at how short the time is when your kids are little. You think at the time, they will always stay the same, they will always be your kid. And in a lot of ways, he still is, but he's now a young man. I'm so proud of him and regret the times I wasn't there for him. I hope he doesn't hold it against me.

Spend more time with your kids, please, because it flies by faster than you think.

Cruisin' Again

2010-05-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

The Pink Ride is out of the garage and hitting the streets!
Cruise nights are underway again. Tonight we drove to Anoka for the Anoka Car Show. There were quite a few people there, but not a packed event as we've seen it before. I think the big, ugly clouds overhead kept some cruisers from coming out.

Today started out with thunderstorms, and we are expected to have more tomorrow with highs in the 90's and dewpoints over 50. I'm glad we went to the show today and we were able to have nice evening before all the humid air blew in.

Alex is adjusting well to being home. This weekend is his first weekend serving as a Navy Reservist. He will be home on Sunday. I'm so glad he's here and at times it seems like he's never been gone.

Stay cool.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers, fathers acting as mothers, adopted mothers and stepmothers. I hope you all had a fabulous day!

I, being the blessed person I am, received my Mother's Day present early. My son, Alex, arrived home on May 3, 2010, from San Diego, California. He's home for good and now in the Navy Reserves. I cannot tell you all the relief and joy I feel to have him here at home.

We didn't have much time during the week to catch up since he decided to drive to Oklahoma City for my brother Andy's graduation from college. He left Thursday with my sister, her two sons, and my parents, in separate cars, of course. I'm very proud of my baby brother for graduating as a Respiratory Therapist. He now has the hurdle of passing his boards, but if he can finish school, the boards should be no problem for him. I hope. ;)

Thank goodness I'm still working steadily, even though I'm still a temp. The weekly paycheck is a blessing and I am really working at getting a full-time position at this new company I am working for. I'll keep you all posted with updates as they happen. Please continue to think good thoughts and pray I get a steady gig soon. Thanks in advance for all your help so far.

The writing dream is still alive. I'm working on some new ideas for the websites, and for articles and ebooks to write. I'm finding that the more structured my work life becomes, the more structured my writing life becomes. The ideas flow much easier when you aren't miserable or worrying about finding a job. I don't think I can write without some sort of a "day job" because I'm so used to fitting my writing time around it.

When I had all the time in the world to write, I hardly ever did. I was always distracted by housework, cooking, emails and errands that seemed all too important at the time, but were just a way for me to procrastinate what I really wanted to do---WRITE! I know it sounds weird, but I can now understand how my friend Beth could write and finish her novel while working at a big box store part-time. There is just something about having to adhere to a work schedule and a writing schedule that makes everything else fall into place, like the perfect pieces of a puzzle.

I'm also reading more fun stuff, not just marketing and writing stuff. That seems to have opened in me a whole new door to writing and ideas. I feel like someone who has been in a coma for a long time is just discovering they liked to read and eat chocolate. It's weird, but I haven't felt this comfortable in my own skin in a really long time, and I'm really liking my discoveries, so far.

I'm also expanding my knowledge by listening to instructional CD's in my headphones at work. Sure, I can listen to music if I want to, but while I'm there, I feel my time is better spent learning something while I'm working. Most of them are from Bob Bly, the master copywriter, and I'm learning something new everyday as I listen to them over and over. It's fabulous! My favorite so far is "The Internet Marketing Retirement Plan." I hope to begin implementing some if his techniques in the very near future. Keep tuned in for further updates!

In other news in the family, Baby Ava is now walking and jabbering away and will become a big sister in September when Lily will be born. We are all excited about that! Hopefully, Andy and Lisa will be announcing a bundle of joy arriving in their future very soon. Praying for you both, bro. Keep the faith. It will happen. :)

In the meantime, we had SNOW on the ground yesterday morning. Those who doubt me look at the pictures of my patio below.

Today there wasn't a snowflake in sight, but it was a cool, and sunny day, and I did get a chance to read some magazines on my patio. I can't wait to get the gazebo up so I can have my "writing room" back. I seriously need to find some space for an office. But I have a lot of other priorities to meet before that can take place.

The lilacs are blooming and filling the air with their sweet scents. I love the flowers in the spring. We may have purple irises in our flower bed, donated to our little garden last year by Shawn and his wife. No flowers last year, but I see buds this year and if they are purple irises, they will be gorgeous. :) I'll share pics as soon as they bloom.

This week, please remember those who lost their mothers this year, and give them a call. I'm fortunate to have my mother still in my life, and while she and I butt heads once in a while, I'm still grateful to have her to talk to, and get a good hug when I need one.

I'm also grateful for my MIL, Charlene, or Grandma Chuck as she is known to the kids. I love her as much as my own mother and I am grateful to have her in my life and as my "shopping buddy".

Have a fabulous week!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. My schedule is crazy and unpredictable right now. I went from having a bona fide job offer to no job to another job in a different place. But I'm still temporary help, so if it slows down, like it is now, I'm not making any money. I'm ok with that. For now. Eventually, I want to be someplace full-time, permanent hire, but I know right now the markets are still unsteady in every career field. I did take a positive step in that direction by applying for a full-time position where I've been temping at, so keep your fingers crossed that it all works out and I can stop whining about it. :) Much to the relief of those of you who commented to me off-blog about this subject matter. :)

I'm still a writer, and I still want to be a writer when I grow up. But a steady paycheck and a work routine keep me from falling back on bad habits. I want to continue moving forward, not backward. That's the plan and I'm sticking to it! :)

This Easter holiday snuck up on us. I'm used to Easter being in the second week of April, like closer to my Dad's birthday (April 12). This year I've been so busy with working nights, then days for 2 weeks and then nights, I didn't have a inkling the holiday was right around the corner. Whoosh, here it is! Wow. We are going to my parents house for fish and potato salad. I made my famous cherry cheescake bars and my 7-layer bars (aka, Naughty Bars). I had them done by 8:30 pm which is a record for me because in the not-so-distant-past, I was usually up cooking them until 2:00 am or 3:00 am, or the next day, just hours before we go to dinner. Now that I have my chemicals in balance, I don't want to put off anything anymore. That makes the Hubby very happy, because one of his biggest pet peeves with me has always been my procrastination. I'm not perfect yet, but I'm working on it. :)

The weather has been great, a little windy, but we are praying for rain. We had a bit of a sprinkling on Friday, but it was just enough to clean the dust off the birds and green the grass up. We need a couple of days of "Million Dollar Rain" the kind that will come down nice and gentle and just soak right on in. Fires are popping up all over, even close to home. I saw a huge black cloud of smoke north of us this afternoon and on the evening news, it turns out it was closer than I thought. Here's the story: Central Minnesota Grass Fire

Sadly, fires did more than just claim some acreage outside of Princeton. In Minneapolis, six people died in a devastating fire in Minneapolis. It's been the worst fire since 1986. Three of those who perished were children. Please pray for those who died and for their families this Easter holiday. Hug your kids a little closer and please be thankful for all the blessings you have and all the blessings you are receiving, not just in this life, but in the next. And remember Easter is about a lot more than just chocolate eggs and bunny rabbits. Remember why we celebrate it in the first place.

This will be another holiday passing without Alex home to help us celebrate, but I did receive an email that he is getting closer to home. He will be in San Diego, California, very soon and then shortly after that, he will be home. I can't wait to see him again, and I can't wait to have him home. My prayers and blessings to all of you who have loved ones in the military or who are far away from home. My prayers to all of you who have lost a loved one and miss them terribly.

Thanks to all of you for keeping me, Alex, and my family in your prayers since the deployment of the USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70). We truly appreciate all the kind and wonderful thoughts and those who have just said, "Thank your son for his service." I'm so proud to be a Navy Mom, and hearing that makes me even prouder of my son and this country.

Enjoy the weekend and the weather, and I'll post again soon. Until then, have a very Happy Easter!

Happy 1st Birthday, Ava!

2010-03-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

On March 17, 2009, Ava Jeanne was born.

Today, March 20, 2010, we celebrated her first birthday. She is a beautiful baby girl, who has two doggies, Brody, a Yorkshire Terrier, and Tank, a Husky with one blue eye and one brown eye, and two wonderful parents who love and adore her. The house was standing room only as it filled with family and friends to celebrate the first year of this blessing from heaven.

She was dressed in a white shirt with white leggings trimmed in lace and a purple flower on the front and a purple Tutu made by Mom. She had a purple bow in her hair. She was all smiles and waving and was a little shy at first until the presents.

We left so she could take a nap.

You never know how precious life is until you become a parent and then a grandparent and hold that little life in your arms for the first time. Your heart fills with love you didn't know it had and it fills your whole body and soul to the point it almost aches. It's a feeling I have each time I hold that little girl, or my nephew, Cannon, or hug my son, who is now a grown Navy man soon to be 21. If anyone goes through this life without ever experiencing that feeling, you haven't really lived. I feel sorry for you.

Today the sun came out and it was bright and clear, even if it was a little colder than a few days ago, but we were all happy the weather was nice at least for her party and the shoes could all be kicked out of the house on the front step instead of in the doorway.

Thanks, Patrice and Jesse for throwing your baby girl such a wonderful party, and I'm glad to see she loves chocolate as much as her Grandma Sissy!

Ava, Happy Birthday honey! Pappa and I love you very much. :)

New Job, New Schedule, New Outlook, Part 2

2010-03-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

This has been a really crazy week.

Monday I got a call from my temp service that the company I was raving about working for had cancelled me.

I felt like someone hit me right in the gut.

No further explanation, just that's it, we're done with you.

As I was attempting to process this news, and fighting back the tears in the meantime, she tells me, "There's a job available at 6:00 am to 6:00 pm tomorrow at XYZ Company, if you can make it there, I'll call them and tell them to expect you. It will be Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday from 6:00 am to 12:00 pm (noon). Can you give me an answer before 6:00 pm tonight?"

I thought at first that I should ask the Hubby if he thought I should take it, and then I said, "Sure, I'll be there." He was on a motorcycle ride, and I figured bad news/good news could wait until he got back.

I didn't know what to do or what to think, but then I realized, this is what life is like as a temporary worker. You have no idea from one day to the next if you are going to be working or not working. Who am I kidding? Even permanent workers don't know from one day to the next if they will be working or not in this "new economy." What the hell makes me exempt? Not a damn thing.

Hubby was not happy to hear I lost a job, or knowing the drive was about 45 minutes to an hour for the "new job" and it would pay a dollar an hour less than what I was making at ABC Company, well, at this point, you can't turn anything down. We went for a drive in the Pink Ride and I cried a bit as we drove through the Refuge. I was already attached to the people I worked with and I was mourning the loss of them as much as the job itself.

I do know this much: I am happier working than not working. I feel my life, the planets and my whole Universe came into alignment once I realized I work, therefore I am, and accepted I need a job to structure my life.

My good friend, Beth Erickson said it best when I talked to her Monday, before I knew my Universe was going to shift once again, when she said, "It's different now that you're not running from a job you hate."

Amen, Beth!

That's exactly what I've been doing. I've been trying so hard to make the writing career work, or find any way to make money so I could be "ok" with not working a traditional job. I didn't realize I was doing it so I didn't have to work at my old job and it became more like hell on Earth with each passing day. It wasn't so much the job, like I've said before, it was the ENVIRONMENT.

My friend, Wendy, who works at XYZ Company and worked at ABC Company as a temporary worker, asked me, "Now, that you've worked at 3 different companies, which one do you like best?"

I couldn't argue with her, and this will blow your hair straight out, but the XYZ Company was Best out of all 3! Yes, the one where I drive farther (mostly back roads, lots of horse farms, trees, rivers, streams, a nice big lake, etc.), and I make less money than my old job, or even the one I had at ABC Company! Go figure.

I've realized this, and I told Beth this on the phone before the "bad news", that it's not about the money. It's not even the job. It's just feeling like I need to contribute in some way, no matter how small.

I'm grateful to be able to work, physically, and mentally it does a lot more for me than I realized. But even if I never hit the bestseller list, even if I never win a Pulitzer, I'm still a writer. I still want to touch people with the words I put on the screen, on my blogs, or in my notebooks. I want to write books and e-books, and teach writing to those who want to learn. I want to give seminars and workshops. Even if I don't make a penny off of it, it will be worth it to me if someone says they learned something or it helped them come out of the "closet" and be brave enough to write in the light of day.

And all of this would not be possible if it weren't for two very special people in my life. One is the Hubby, who I met fifteen (15) years ago today at Bob and Kathy's house, standing in the kitchen, with a Bayfront Bluesfest T-shirt and I felt like my knees gave out from under me. After 15 years, I still get that feeling when I realize how lucky I am to have that man in my life.

And the other person, is my son Alex, who came into my life whether I was ready or not and taught me I was stronger than I realized. Both have restored my faith in love and the belief that love really does conquer all and will never die.

As I look ahead, I know I can't count on this "new job," but I'll take what I can get and this place is wonderful, even better than the job I raved about before. I think it's funny how one minute you get the worst news, and the next day, you realize it truly was a blessing and it was how things were supposed to work out, not the way you wanted or expecte them to work out.

On Wednesday, my granddaughter, Ava, celebrated her first birthday. She is so much different than she was a year ago. It's so amazing the changes we all go through in each stage of our lives but the first two years are so full of change, you just have to go with it. Best advice I can give new parents: Adapt to the baby's schedule, don't try to make the baby adapt to yours. You'll deal with things a lot better if you realize it coming right out of the gate.

Good lesson to follow at any age: Go with the flow. Stop stressing out.

Take it day by day. It's all you can do.

Spring Has Sprung

2010-03-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I woke up from my "nap" at about 2:30 pm, and was amazed the sun was out and shining warmly out my windows. This last week, the weather has been gray, dark, dreary and soggy. We've had rain, rain, fog and more fog. I was beginning to wonder if my zip code had changed to somewhere in Washington state.

But no, the sun was out. It's out again today, and I can't tell you how much it has improved my mood and outlook. I know we need rain, but with the flooding problems around Minnesota and North Dakota, we need a few days to dry things out.

Yesterday, I got busy cleaning off my deck (proof is in the photo above). I swept all the leaves and pine needles and dirt off the outdoor carpeting. I got a bucket with some hot water and some Mr. Clean (Lemon Scented) and washed off the patio chairs, the patio tables and the railing. I looked in my flower bed and saw green things growing, but they are weeds, but I didn't have the heart to pull them out just yet. It's green and growing and until I get my plants all figured out for this year, they can stay for now.

About the time I finished, the Hubby came home and I moved my car and the green car out of the garage so we could take the '56 Chevy (the Pink Ride) out and fire it up. We turned the furnace down and opened the doors and windows up to air out the house, took the plastic off the door to the deck, and opened up the garage to dry out the garage floor which was damp. He swept out the garage floor and I was amazed that except for a couple of the bigger banks, most of the snow is gone. Last week I wasn't sure if the snow would ever melt. Now I'm wondering when I can sleep with the windows open!

It was a wonderful day, and I was glad I didn't sleep through the whole day. I'm going to have to rearrange my sleep schedule for the spring and summer so I don't miss wonderful days like yesterday and today. I was so excited I was tempted to put the gazebo up, but this time of year, we could still get a dumping of snow, and that would cause a collapse.

Once I have the gazebo up (above), I have my "writing room" back. I take my coffee, my notebook and go out on the patio to write to my little heart's content. I listen to the birds and the squirrels, and in the summer I love to watch the hummingbirds, the bumble bees and butterflies as they buzz and fly and feed around my feeders and flowers. Sometimes, I even nap out there.

But more than anything, this time of year signals that Alex will be home soon.

I know he's having the adventure of a lifetime, and I would love to see his ship come into San Diego, but it won't be possible for us with finances and my new job. But even if we can't see him in San Diego, I will be happy when he comes home.

Today, if you can, take your lunch outside, or go for a walk, or just spend some time outside in the warm sunshine today. It'll do your body and soul some good. It has for me. :)

Undercover Boss?! Why not? What are you afraid to find out?

2010-03-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

For the 2 or 3 readers of my lovely little blog, you know in the past I have been unhappy (to say the least) with my former employer.

Well, actually, it was the ENVIRONMENT that said employer allowed on the work premisis. It was not a happy place, and I've noticed quite the difference between the former work environment and my current work environment and I can say with all honesty (because we all know I'm on the right path again), I simply LOVE MY JOB!

Let me say that again: "I Love My Job!"

Let me relay the reasons why:

1. This new work environment doesn't feed the rumor mills, in fact, they do everything they can to stop negative rumors dead in their tracks and ask the employees what can they do to make the work experience better not just for the regular employees, but for the temporary employees as well.

2. Everyone is kind, generous, helpful, and we all pull together as a TEAM (yes, I know how cheesy that sounds, but it's true).

3. There is a common positive bond between all of us on our shift (3rd shift Rocks). We all joke around and kidd and tease each other, all in fun, and if we see someone is having a bad night, we do what we can to make it better for them, even if it's just making some boxes or grinding some runners.

4. We are a diverse group and instead of riduculing each other for our differences, we accept and are open to discovering the wonderful things that make ourselves and lives different. We capitalize our strengths, not prey upon our weaknesses.

5. There are incentives to the employees to do well with the production numbers, and they are rewarded and acknowledged. It's not just about the bottom line, and while problems are brought to light, they are taken care of as soon as possible, not just added to the bottom of a long list that will never be done.

It's not just the fact I'm working and collecting a paycheck again that has boosted me to this level. I feel I'm where I belong, and I want to stay as long as I can and do everything I can to help the company and especially the employees succeed.

The sad part of this: I used to feel this way about my former work environment.

I couldn't wait to get to work so I could see what we could accomplish, what I could accomplish and I was proud of the work I did. Then when things got more about the bottom line, and the negative energy was encouraged to permeate throughout that work environment, I became a different person. A person I didn't like.

I didn't want to go to work. I couldn't wait to get home so I could escape all of that.

I still did my work, but I feel like my efforts to make the environment better for myself and my fellow co-workers was riduculed and I was made to feel like I was less than those who had a title or a diploma on the wall.

Even when I did exceptional work, it was never recognized or acknowledged. All I remember hearing was how bad things were, or how we all screwed up. No positive feedback at all. Nothing to build on because they had torn us all to pieces, bit-by-bit.

Workers weren't out to help you, in fact, if you needed help, you were on your own. Only a handful of them would actually take the initiative to come and help you or anticipate your need to finish up your tasks before the next shift.

The place was always a buzz with the latest gossip or rumors and often times that took precedence over getting the actual job done.

Waste, waste, waste. Machines making bad production were not fixed in a timely manner and they were left to run bad production wasting time, money and materials. In the end, it was either the fault of the QC (Quality Control), which was ultimately passed onto the operator and the operators were reprimanded.

Listen up!

Those who have employees or run any kind of business: How does it feel when you walk into the door? Do you feel happiness? Do you feel positive energy? Yes, I know this depends on if you or they have had their coffee yet, but overall, take a look around you.

If the same problems are popping up over and over with your business, maybe you should take a page out of my favorite television show, "Undercover Boss" and go deep to find out what's really working and what's not working and see what you can do about it. Knowledge is power, and in the end, if you learn things could need a tweaking here or there, then you've learned something valuable. Or even saved your business from going down the grinder chute.

I'm sure I haven't seen the bad side of things at the new job, and I'm still in the "honeymoon phase" of working at a new place with new people and none of the same old crap, and I hope I never do see that side.

I don't know everything about anything, but I do know the difference between night and day.

And I'm loving the sunshine, baby!

Have you seen my shades??

Did I Write That Out Loud?!

2010-03-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

In this age of "too much information" I have to apologize to my readers, friends and family, but mostly to the Love of My Life for exposing too much information in my last blog post.

Not everything needs to be put out there for the masses to read, and yes, some things need to be private and should stay that way. I crossed the line, and now there are people emailing him, writing him, and asking, "What the hell happened?"

For those enquiring minds, if you have a question, call me, email me, write me a letter, whatever. Please leave my honey alone. He's had enough to deal with and would just like us to move on from here.

I will say this and shut up about the whole thing. I am the most blessed person on the planet. I have the best friends and family and most of all, the best life partner I could have ever asked for. The love and support of all of you has helped me realize what is truly important in life, and I appreciate all of you.

While we never ask for bad things to happen, or to create them ourselves, the lessons learned from making it to the other side make you appreciate the good in your life much more. I have a lot to be grateful for, and I promise not to take anything for granted ever again.

In the meantime, I promise not to expose so much on my blogs or anywhere else. Not everything I do is so spectacular that it bears reading. I'm just a writer living my life in the woods of Minnesota, and enjoying every minute of it. I may not ever end up on the New York Times Bestseller List, or plugging my book in bookstores or on television, but then again, it's totally possible. Life is unpredictible, and that's a good thing.

Now, go and enjoy the sunshine! :)

New Job, New Schedule, New Outlook

2010-03-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks I've been working as a temp in a plastics factory not far from my house. This is not the factory I worked at and was laid off from in June. This is a whole different place, and my hours have gone from second shift (3pm to 11pm) to third shift (11pm to 7am). My days have changed from Monday through Friday to Tuesday through Saturday.

I seem to be adjusting to the job and the schedule, but more than that, I'm trying to adjust to the new outlook. I didn't realize how much my identity and my self-esteem was tied to my job until it was gone. I need the discipline of having a regular job schedule and it helps me put the rest of my life into perspective and on a schedule as well. Sure, in a few months I might complain I need a day off or two, but for now, I am so happy to finally be working, earning a paycheck, and feeling like I accomplish something at the end of each shift. It's a gift I am so grateful to have.

My new outlook has also spilled over to the rest of my life. This new work environment has brought out the best in me. Everyone I've worked with has been kind, encouraging, helpful, and a lot of fun to work with. It reminds me of my old job when I loved to go to work there, before everything got so far away from treating the employees like they mattered.

It's also brought me to a turning point. I've been carrying around a lot of secrets. Things I've done that I'm ashamed to admit I've done. Nothing criminal, but things that have hurt my family and my friends. I've had to make some painful decisions lately. Decisions that have spurred me on to tell the truth and be a better person, a better mother, a better life partner and a better employee and a better writer.

I don't want any sympathy, I don't deserve it, but I do want those who love me and who are scratching their heads wondering, "What the hell was she thinking?!" I was not in my right mind, obviously, when I did some of the things I did. Just to say, "I'm sorry" will not make better what I did, but I am truly sorry, and will do everything in my power to make things right. I expect I will lose family members, friends, and the love and respect of some of those around me, and that will hurt, but nothing will come close to the pain I have been carrying around for a long time now.

Wrong is wrong, no matter what your problem is, whether it's alcohol, drugs, gambling, food addictions or severe depression. The "stinking thinking" gets you believing what you're doing is ok, and that you'll make it up to them later.

The good news is, I will be getting help for my severe depression, real help, not just a pill to take everyday. What I have is more than just a chemical imbalance. I have some serious issues I've been procrastinating, spending money that doesn't belong to me, lying like a rug, and avoiding anything that I don't want to do. I've been sneaky, and angry, and I've let things get to the point of being overwhelming and when I had backed myself into a corner, I had to decide if I was going to continue living like this or end it all. I decided I couldn't take the easy way out.

When I get to the point of being better, I will be working to help those who feel they have no hope, who are spending way too much time on the "dark side" feeling there is only one way out. Please, as hard as it may be, get help, talk to someone, anyone. You don't have to live in the dark, the sun is on the other side.

And so is forgiveness.

Update on Alex: He's currently in Rio de Janero, Brazil. Sounds like he's having a great time!

Alex In Pictures

2010-02-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

100220-N-2953W-182 USS CARL VINSON- At Sea- On board USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70), Hull Technician 3rd Class Alexander Crawford cuts studs using a grinder in the shipfitter and machine shop. Carl Vinson is currently taking part in Southern Seas 2010 as part of a scheduled homeport shift. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Adrian White/ Released)

**************************************************************
As you all know, I've been looking for my son in all the photos posted to the USS Carl Vinson page on Facebook. I checked tonight and the photos have been updated and a lot of patience later, I found Alex in the last photo (above) in the album posted there.

In an update tonight, they will be crossing the equator, but won't be going through the ceremony for the "first timers" until they cross it again on the other side of South America.

Alex's last email said the ship would port in Rio. I'm hearing DuranDuran singing in my head right now. My friend Sandy Lender, the fantasy author, is now laughing in Florida, because she knows what I'm talking about. :)

I was so excited to see him, since he hasn't been home since January, and he may not be home until May. It's a great picture, showing the work he does, and I've just completed the second article on his trip to Haiti for the local paper. The first article made the front page and took up two more pages in the paper. I was pretty proud of that, but not as proud as I am of Alex.

This has been a great week. It's good to be back to work again. I'm working at a local plastics company, and it's third shift, but my body seems to be acclimating to the schedule much easier than I have from previous times I've worked these hours. I think part of it has been my attitude. I was ready to go back to work. I was driving myself crazy not working. I didn't really have anything that anchored my days or my nights. I felt adrift and lost. Now it's like everything else is falling into place, and my writing has improved much more than it did when I had all the time to write during the day or night.

I'm blessed I've been given this opportunity and it must have been meant to be for it to come so out of the blue like it did. I'm working as a temp for right now, and once my contract is fullfilled with the temp service, I have the opportunity to be hired. I'm excited by that. The people I've worked with have been very gracious, kind, patient and a lot of fun to work with. They have also been extremely helpful in making sure I understand all the procedures and paperwork. I have a lot to learn, but I have a great vibe from this place. I hope I don't disappoint them.

As for my writing, I am writing more, like I said, and planning on selling more e-books and writing some print books as well. I have to update my websites, and figure out exactly where I want this career of mine to go next, but I'm still determined to be a paid, professional writer. I will be announcing some of my plans very soon, so check back later for further details. ;)

In the meantime, please support our troops and pray for them and their families who have sacrificed so we may have the freedoms we have.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

I have the best man in the whole world.

He's the one who gave me the beautiful bouquet of flowers in the picture above. He is thoughtful, kind, caring, loving, helpful, and he has a really warped sense of humor, like me. We've been through so much together, and while there have been times where it's been rough, we managed to stick it out and stay together.

I can't tell you what would happen if he was out of my life, I don't ever want to think about that.

This Valentine's Day I want the world to know how much I love and appreciate him and all he's done for me and Alex. Thank you, honey, for everything. And I hope there are better and bigger ways for me to show my love and gratitude today and everyday.

I got the flowers on Thursday, when he brought them home after work. They were a combo of "Congratulations" and "Happy Valentine's Day."

I found out on Thursday, I got the job I was interviewing for the past 2 weeks. I start tonight, and I'm excited to be going to a new place and learning new things and meeting new people. I have a really good feeling about this opportunity, and I am grateful I have a steady job now. I'm going to continue writing, I have a lot of things planned in the next few weeks, so don't worry, you will be hearing from me. :)

Since my last blog post, my son has emailed me that they will be in Rio (Yes, that Rio!) in a few weeks. His ship, the USS Carl Vinson, left Haiti on February 1, 2010, and they went to Mayport, Florida, to resupply. They left for the remainder of their journey this last week, to their final destination of San Diego, California. They should arrive there in April, if all goes well. Thanks to everyone for the prayers, best wishes, and good thoughts you have given him and my family while he is deployed. Please continue to support our troops.

I hope you all have a great Valentine's Day and you show and tell the ones you love how much they mean to you, not just today, but everyday.

USS Carl Vinson Leaving Haiti

2010-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

As of yesterday, February 1, 2010, the USS Carl Vinson was released after completing Haiti relief efforts as part of Operation Unified Response. If you want to read more, here is the link to the Facebook page and the article:

Carl Vinson Completes Haiti Relief Efforts

http://www.facebook.com/notes/uss-carl-vinson-cvn-70/carl-vinson-completes-haiti-relief-efforts/281376722033#/notes/uss-carl-vinson-cvn-70/carl-vinson-completes-haiti-relief-efforts/281376722033

This means my son, Alex, and all onboard the USS Carl Vinson are enroute to San Diego. I am so proud of my son and this country and all the things that were accomplished in the last few weeks.

Wish them all a safe journey and please keep them all in your prayers.

This Is My Son

2010-01-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a little over a week since my last post. I've been through a lot since then, and I won't get into the details here, but I feel now the worst has past me.

Everyday I look online to find articles about my son and his ship, the USS Carl Vinson. Here is the lastest link that tells what those fine young men on that crew have been up to during their time in Haiti assisting in Operation Unified Response. It's coming straight from the Department of Defense website.

Here's the link: http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=57691

I cannot tell you how proud I am of my son and those fine young men and women who are serving onboard all our American vessels in the Carribean giving assistance to those hurt and starving. To those critics who are out there saying the Americans are "taking over" and are knocking the job we are doing, I say, "Shut the hell up!" WE were there to help secure and organize a place that was thrown into utter anarchy, and I don't see anything about YOUR contributions to the people of Haiti.

I am proud to be an American Citizen, and most of all, I'm proud to be the mother of a fine Navy sailor named Alexander Thomas Crawford serving aboard the USS Carl Vinson.

I will keep everyone posted on Alex and how he is doing as we hear from him. Our only communication right now is via email, so I hear from him every couple of days or so. He's been keeping very busy, doing his job on the ship and off, so I'm thrilled when I see his name in my email inbox.

Thanks most to all of you who have sent prayers, good thoughts, blessings and well wishes to us and to my son. His Dad and I truly appreciate each and every one of you.

Until next time...

ADDITIONAL NOTE: The USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70) can also be found on Facebook and on Twitter. Give those fine young men and women a boost and drop them a nice, positive, encouraging comment or two. I'm sure they will gladly appreciate it after all the long hours and hard work they are all putting in. :)

The USS Carl Vinson Enroute To Haiti

2010-01-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

If you have been watching the news, you have heard Haiti was hit by a 7.0 earthquake. This morning, President Obama announced at his press conference that the USS Carl Vinson is enroute to help with humanitarian aide.

For those of you who read my blog, my son, Alex, is aboard that aircraft carrier. It was originally supposed to be going to San Diego, California, but with the disaster in Haiti, it will be going there instead.

Please, everyone, pray for the safe return of Alex and his shipmates and all who are going to Haiti for this mission. From what I've seen from the news reports, the country is devastated, and dangerous with the aftershocks.

Thank you. Here is a link for more information:

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/US-Navy-Sends-Help-to-Haiti-81481732.html

Toast the New Year With Lemonade

2009-12-30T11:40:00.001-08:00

I'm watching the CBS Evening News last night and on the segment "Spirit of America" they told the story of a group of advertising executives and writers who were laid off, got together and decided to make a movie about how the lay off turned their lives around.

It's called "Lemonade", as in, "Life hands you lemons, make lemonade." I've seen the trailer and as my gift to all of you I am posting it on both of my blogs.

It amazes me still that something so simple, can change your focus in an instant. I've been looking for something to give my ideas and my life some sort of direction, and this little segment did, and after watching this trailer, I ordered the DVD. I'm now inspired to live my life on my terms. If they could do it, I can do it. Bless your circumstances this year, and bless the ones to come. And make lots of lemonade.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Big Time. I'm on my way I'm making it.

2009-12-10T00:32:00.001-08:00

Being a child of the 80's, I couldn't help myself when I was on YouTube.com and found the video for "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel. If there was ever a song that symbolized the whole pursuit of happiness through wealth in the 80's and 90's, this was it. I loved it. I still do which is why I'm sharing it with all of you today. If you've never seen it, you are in for a treat, and if you have and like it, you'll enjoy it even more. If you hate it, try again next time. I can't make everyone happy and it's not my job to do so. :)

So, have a great day, everyone. :)

This Is A Test

2009-12-06T22:37:00.000-08:00

Once a month we are all subjected to a loud, annoying noise coming from the television or the radio and we are told, "This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a Test."

If only we are warned about such things in real life. These days the imagined problems and the worries seem to be a lot worse in our minds than what is truly going on in the present moment.

I want to put a stop to that.

I'm not saying we go the other way down the river of Total Denial, but to imagine the situation you are in is worse than what it really is? Well, you have to ask yourself why on Earth you would make things even harder than they are?

It's human nature. We're all guilty of going to the negative end of the river, to swim upstream and make things harder on ourselves. I've been doing that for months, thinking the more I bitched and complained and worked at being a victim of circumstance, then God or the Universe would then feel sorry for me as much as I was feeling sorry for myself and "Poof" all would fall into place and the world would continue to turn. And then we would live happily ever after.

Bullshit.

The main reason I am not where I want to be is I haven't been DOING ANYTHING! My fears have manifested all sorts of horrible scenarios to the point that I've been paralyzed by that fear to take any kind of action whatsoever. Here's just a sample of what's been going through my head:

*I'm too old.
*There's too much competition for a job, for writing work, for money, for business, etc.
*I'm too fat.
*I don't have the education, the resources, etc.
*I don't have enough money
*I'm too tired.

And that's just in the first 5 minutes.

The last few weeks, with Christmas coming, and everyone around me in a bad spot financially, it's hard to be optimistic. I keep praying and believing things HAVE TO GET BETTER. But when it's your world that's crumbling, the last thing you feel like doing is putting on a "happy face."

I do it anyway.

I try to find something to laugh at once a day. I try to list the things I'm totally grateful for, my health, my family, my friends, the roof over my head, the electricity that runs my computer and my lights, and the groceries in the fridge. I do know, only too well, that things can be much worse in a short amount of time and to just stop whining and be grateful helps a lot.

But what works for me the most, is imagining how much better things will be once we're all past this. Visualization has been used by successful millionaires, athletes, and inventors to see the future, to feel the future, and to ask for nothing less than the very best, because they usually get it. No playing the "I really don't deserve it," card, but instead, "Of course I should have that, I Deserve It!" card. It's a lot more fun swimming downstream. And it's all imaginary. No harm, no foul.

After all, this is only a test.

The funny part of all of this, is I've been job hunting since I was laid off in June. I've gone on interviews, been told by several employers that I have what they are looking for, and then when I ask, "When do I go to work?" All of them have told me they will call. The phone's been ringing, but not from them calling me.

I was ready to give up the writing career, again, just get a job and do it as a hobby. Let it go, as painful it would have been. Now I get the feeling God or the Universe is telling me, "Not yet." Maybe that's why I can land a job, but they don't want me to actually work for them. It would be nice to get paid for it, though.

So, I'm going to take it as a message, loud and clear, don't give up the writing just yet. Things are going to work out better than fine after all.

Thanksgiving, Movies, and Family

2009-11-30T22:58:00.000-08:00

I was so excited my son would be spending Thanksgiving with us. Then, the phone call.

Because his ship would be out to sea in a week, he wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving after all. Sad as I was, I realized that this is what it's like to be a Navy Mom. I was fortunate my son is still state side, and he would be coming home after Christmas for a nice visit.

Some of those who served our country and their families are grieving the loss of their loved ones who have given the ultimate sacrifice for all of us. My prayers and condolences and my heartfelt thanks go out for those who served so bravely and their families. And this includes those who were gunned down in Ft. Hood. Thank you, is not enough words, but it's the best I can give you all.

I was sad he wasn't home. It didn't feel the same without him, but we did have a visitor stay with us, Andy, QH's son, stayed with us, and it was nice to have one "kid" home for the holidays.

I decided to splurge, so I rented some movies. "Star Trek", which was awesome; "G.I.Joe" was pretty good; "Year One", with Jack Black and Michael Cera was hysterical; "Angels & Demons" which was good as movie, but it wasn't as good as the book; and finally, "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs" was really cute.

On Sunday, I took the movies back and decided I wanted to rent some more. I rented two: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" which got to be a bit much with the graphics, and a bit long in the movie pace as well; and "Up" a Pixar movie about an old man who floats away with his house using helium balloons.

"Up," if you haven't seen it yet, is sad to start, in fact, have the tissues close-by, because your going to cry. It's a lesson in how you live your life, and what you get out of it in this crazy journey. It relays the message the dreams you have when you are younger don't necessarily die as you get older, but they might change a bit into something you least expected. And love never dies. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but I think it's a great movie to see, especially these days when we all think that we are beyond the age of having any kind of adventures, and our definition of "family" may not include those who are born into it.

I read something interesting today about age and whether you're too old to start over in your life, in your career, or in your business. In an e-book written by Bob Bly, the copywriting genius, he tells the story about the actor, Abe Vigoda.

Abe Vigoda, before he was a regular on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" was in a television show called "Barney Miller" and played a cop named Fish. But his career began in the movie, "The Godfather". Guess how old he was when he played in the "The Godfather"? He was 50 years old when he was in that movie, the movie that launched his acting career!

It's never too late. It's never too late to start over. It's never too late to tell someone you love them. It's never too late to be the success you were born to be. It's never too late to enjoy the moment you are in right now. It's never too late to be thankful for everything you have and everything you are receiving.

In counting my blessings this year, I am thankful for the lessons I've learned, especially the most painful ones. I appreciate them because I consider them growing pains. I've grown from last year (and not just horizontally). I'm not the person I was last year, and I'm glad about that.

I'm thankful for the family I have and the love and support they've given me this year. Especially, QH, who has taken on the role of breadwinner in this family since I lost my job in June. He's had a rough year this year, and I'm thankful he's been so patient and understanding with me, even when I wasn't patient or understanding with myself. I pray this next year brings his dreams and wishes and prayers to fruition. That would make me very happy, to see him get back all the good he's given, not just to me, but to everyone around him, and reap the rewards of being the wonderful man that he is. He deserves that and so much more. If they gave out medals for being him, he would get a whole box full of them. But a Harley will have to do. Or a 1969 Chevelle SS.

Thanks to all of you who read this little blog of mine. You are the reason I keep writing. I almost gave it up altogether, (AGAIN) and while I had such great ambition to win NaNoWriMo this year, life interrupted my intentions. Oh, well. I'm still writing, that's the main thing. And there is always something that brings me back to it. I get a call or an email or something from a reader who says they laughed when they read something I wrote, or it made them think differently, or it made them cry, or just that they felt SOMETHING from my writing. It's worth a million bucks to me and more.

So, thank you all for your prayers, your comments, your wishes and your opinions. I pray the next year brings you many blessings and adventures.

I have much more to do before this year closes, but one message I want to give is this:

Never give up. Never. Just keep going and listen to your gut, it will lead you to your dreams, even if it's not exactly the same dream you started with. The journey is worth it in the end, because once you end it, you can begin another adventure. And bring someone you love along for the ride. ;)

The Best 38 Seconds You'll Spend Today

2009-11-18T00:47:00.000-08:00

I saw this for the first time on the news last night on WCCO, channel 4.

When I found the video on YouTube, I was surprised it was originally posted in 2008.

It doesn't matter. Love doesn't know anything about time. Thank you Capt. Andrew Schmidt and Gracie, and his wife Jen for this wonderful example of what true love really is, and thanks especially for your service to our country.

I'm Alive!

2009-11-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

"Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated," which is one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain (if I'm wrong, I'm going to hear from all of you, right?).

For those of you who thought I checked out of the Universe this weekend, you are partially correct. I came home from my mother-in-law's house, feeling really tired, a little groggy and had a headache. Nothing really serious, right? Well, I took a shower, got out and had a case of the shakes I couldn't get rid of. Uh, Oh. The chills. I had a fever.

Thus began my journey into the darkness. I was feverish, my head felt like someone was trying to suck my brains out with a tiny straw, and I couldn't get warm enough, in spite of the piles of blankets and the flannel sheets I was under. I would lift my head and "BOOM" pain, then I would feel like I was going to vomit. Not good.

I did drink water, and I'm still trying to get rehydrated, but the only thing I could stomach all weekend was chicken noodle soup. When I was vertical and walking around, I felt like I was drunk, the floor was tilting and I didn't know if I was going to pass out or fall down. Back to bed I went.

Poor, QH. He was home, then went deer hunting, and spent the weekend peeking in on me to see if I was still breathing. I left him a note, "I'm not dead. Just sick. I feel like I got hit by a truck." He was so sweet, and I was glad I was in the spare room to keep him from getting this horrible virus.

And yes, the doctor confirmed yesterday, it was a virus, not the H1N1, but a sick and twisted version of it, and she also determined I had water in my ear and that my ears were very dirty (which explained the balance issues). I was also told I might have had a migraine headache, which I don't recall ever having one before, but they do run in my family. Oh, goody.

I awoke yesterday, still a little groggy, but I ate some eggs and felt a bit better when I started moving around. I checked my email, and then checked my temperature. It was 99.9 degrees, so it had gone down from the 102.3 reading I had on Saturday. I started drinking coffee, water, and then cleaned my house and opened up the windows to air the house out. I changed the sheets on the spare bed, and washed them and then took a nice long shower. I made an appointment to see the doctor, and I was glad to see the sun was shining.

What I got from this experience was I am so happy to be alive! Really. I see things much clearer, and everything is much more colorful and beautiful. I feel like I can conquer the world. I feel reborn. There's no other way to put it.

I also released a lot of the fear and the doubt I had, and reaffirmed my goals of being a writer and a public speaker. I have a message, and nobody else can give this message of mine, but me, in my way. I know a lot of people are out there saying similar things, but none of them know the things that I know, or feel the things that I feel, and can say things the way I can say them. I am moving forward, full speed ahead, with my dream and my career.

I know a lot of what brought this illness on is stress. I got way too stressed out about things, and instead of doing all I could to alleviate the stress, I instead did what most people do, I internalized it. I did this to myself, over time, and after what I felt this weekend, I don't ever want to go through that again. I did a lot of praying in the darkness. I prayed this would stop, I prayed if this was the end, please make it quick (yes, it was THAT bad), and then when I started feeling a little better, I was quick to pray,"Thank you for letting me live another day."

I'm alive. And I'm very grateful. Thank you for another beautiful day. Now, I'm off to conquer the world.

Veteran's Day and St. Jude

2009-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

First off, thank you to all our veterans, men and women who have served and continue serving. Thanks to their families for sacrificing for our freedoms. It is a debt we cannot repay, but we are grateful. My grandfather, my father, my uncles on both sides of the family and my brother have all served this country, the greatest country on this Earth, and I am proud to be the mother of a son who is currently serving in the Navy. Honor the veterans, not just today, but every day.

The events at Ft. Hood last week are still shocking to me. I cannot imagine what the victims and their families are going through and I offer my prayers to all of them. When you think you're having a bad day, just wait, you'll hear or see someone who has it worse than you. We truly have nothing to complain about.

But I know there are times like these when you think things are hopeless and you can't make it through one more day like the day you just went through. Sometimes it gets worse, way worse, before it gets better. But there is something we all need to remember. It does get better. Maybe not as fast as we would like, but eventually, it does get better.

For those of you who don't know, I was raised in the Catholic faith, and while I am not a "practicing" Catholic, there is one remnant of my religious training I can't give up. His name is St. Jude.

St. Jude was a loyal follower of Jesus, and was martyred following a violent death. I was unaware the National Shrine of St. Jude is located in Chicago, Illinois, and when I saw the church it is located in, Our Lady of Guadalupe, I realized we had driven by there a few times when visiting my son after his graduation from RTC (boot camp), and when we visited over the Thanksgiving holiday last year.

Of course, most people relate St. Jude to the St. Jude Children's Hospital established by Danny Thomas as a fulfillment of a promise he made to St. Jude early in his career.

St. Jude is known as the patron saint of hopeless causes or when all hope is lost, or you have lost objects, it is St. Jude to pray to for assistance.

In the last few weeks, I have been praying to St. Jude a lot. I have lost some important things (yes, my mind is one of them), and felt at times things were as bad as they could be. In that time, I have also made some donations to St. Jude's National Shrine, as a way of saying thanks. Publication is also part of fulfilling your promise to St. Jude. Which is why, I am right now, right here, saying, "Thank you, St. Jude."

Now, for those who are thinking I'm bragging or showing off or just being blasphemous, this is not what this is. Some things have resolved themselves, some are still waiting for resolutions, but overall, I feel much better I have given them to St. Jude and God to help me. Sometimes, it's the best and the only thing you can do.

I believe for those, especially now, it's nice to find hope where you can, and if by sharing my story, you can help find peace, then I've done my job as a writer and a human on this planet.

Sometimes when things get so bad, surrender is your only way to survive. Surrending to a Power Greater Than Ourselves, is the way to go. He knows what is going to happen in my life, good, bad, or ugly, and it's not a sin to ask for help.

Surrender for survival is not showing weakness, it's giving you the chance to survive to fight another day. If you are in a fight you can't win, to continue to fight without retreat, is suicide. Pure and simple. It also depends upon the circumstances.

In my age of 40 years, I've learned to thank my circumstances. Good, very good. Bad, well, there's something I'm supposed to learn, and as painful as it is going through it, I know, I'll survive. I hope.

How can I not, when you have a saint on your side?

Thank you, St. Jude. Thank you.

Prayer to St. Jude

"O most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, people honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so helpless and alone. Please help to bring me visible and speedy assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (state your request) and that I may praise God with you always."

"I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request. Amen."

This Anticipation Is Fabulous

2009-11-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what it means when you have all 3 recurring dreams in the same night. No, don't worry, they were all great dreams, all positive and fun and full of light and color. If you know a dream analyst, please let me know what it means. You can email me at crawfordwriting@yahoo.com and let me know.

The first dream was the standard "Tornado Coming" kind of dream. The sky is getting dark and foreboding. The wind is calm and in some edges of my view, there are trees bending over in the wind or being carried away. The tornado siren is blowing. We need to be in the house.

The house is a few yards away. I'm trying to find the kids, which is my brother when he was little, my son when he was little and my grandbaby girl and my nephew. Most of the time I have a hard time finding the kids, and then I have a hard time convincing them that the large funnel cloud coming will hurt them.

But we have to look for the favorite toy or blankie before we can get them into the safety of the house. Usually, the sky is black. If I see more than one funnel cloud touch down to the ground, lightening, wind, rain, and flaming meteors, the end of the world is coming, and I'm scared to breathe.
Not good.

But this time, the sun was shining. The birds were singing and the butterflies were flying around, the kids were playing happily and the siren blares off. I'm looking all around this very colorful, bright landscape and see a semi-dark cloud, and a "dust devil" with some paper and debris coming for us. I grab the kids, and put my back to the dust devil, watching the debris go right by us, the sun shining and this feeling of, "Well, that wasn't so bad."

The second dream morphed from that into the "Let's find the hidden suitcase full of money dream." Usually, this involves me and my Dad looking in an abandoned, run down building full of junk and soaking wet with water running some where, either as a river through the building or running down the walls. There is a lot of old junk we have to sort through, but I usually find the suitcase and Dad just laughs and says, "I knew you'd find it, you always do." This time, my dear hubby, QH, was there with me and his father, George, who passed away in January, was there. It didn't register George was there, and that he's dead, instead, it was as natural as him still being alive and well.

George was directing QH to find his suitcase. I became competitive and wanted to find mine before he found his, but he beat me to it. I could hear George laughing (how I miss that), and say, "You'd better hurry! She's gonna beat you!" and then see QH find his much larger suitcase full of money. Mine is full of money, too, but I have a feeling there's a third one someplace...

The final dream is in Alaska. We've never been, and here we are fishing for hallibut. The sun is rising in all sorts of wonderful colors. The mountains and the water reflect all the colors, and the boat we are on is awash in vibrant color and joyful feelings. It's like the feeling you get when you go to bed Christmas Eve and feel like tomorrow is going to be the best day ever.

The anticipation is fabulous!

"We" includes the following family members: QH, myself, my Dad, his two brothers, the captain of the fishing guide service and his first mate. QH is telling me over and over, "I'm not going home. I'm not going home." His brother Virgil is laughing, his brother Neal is in the cabin talking to the captain, drinking a beer. My Dad is just smiling and laughing and can't wait to get his line in the water. Out of nowhere, my son, Alex appears and he and my Dad begin to have a conversation. In the meantime, QH is still saying, "I'm not going home."

I'm just soaking all the ambience in and trying to take pictures. Then the fishing starts and it's phenomenal. I wake up.

This is the strange part, I still have that Christmas-morning-is-on-the-way- feeling. I've been buzzing all day, and feel better than I have in months. I feel like a switch has been turned on, or the gate has been finally opened. I have no idea what changed in such a short time.

All I know is, I don't want this feeling to stop.

(To Be Continued...)

Happy Halloween 2009

2009-10-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

I know my post yesterday was a bit heavy. So, we're heading into the light for today's post, I promise. :)

Thanks to all of you who expressed concern and well wishes in the comments and also in personal emails to me. Things have turned for the better, and I feel I am on the right path. A few things have fallen magically into place, so I'm still optimistic all will end well.

Today is Halloween.

It is also the end of my writing contest and the end of the Think Pink Book Challenge. I sold one book, and no, it wasn't to myself or anyone else I know. With a dollar from each entry in the writing contest, and the book I sold, and what I'm chipping in, I will be sending a check to Susan G. Komen Foundation for $20.

Thanks to all who participated. I truly appreciate it.

November 1st kicks off National Novel Writing Month. I am participating this year, again, with a goal to have my book finished within a week. I did a bit of "training" this year, trying to make my "quota" of 2,000 words-a-day, and for the most part, I've met or exceeded that goal, and in one weekend I wrote over 10,000 words. It's a doable goal, and I will keep you all posted with my progress. If you are participating, and need a "buddy", write or email me.

The contest winners will be announced on November 15, 2009, so good luck to those who entered. I'm excited to see who wins.

My son is also coming home for Thanksgiving, so I will be counting the days (25) until he's here.

That's all for now.

I hope you all have a very safe and Happy Halloween!

Walking the Talk: Challenging Days for Miss Positive Princess

2009-10-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those "glass-is-half-full" kind of people.

You all know that. I look for the silver lining in the storm clouds. When I dream of tornadoes, I know a major change in my life is coming. If I'm afraid when I see them, I know the change will painful. If I'm filled with a sense of awe and wonderment, then I know things will change, but it will bring the sunshine behind it. (I look for the sunshine. If it's not there, only darkness, it's not a good sign).

I also have money dreams. Money in suitcases, lots of it. Neatly wrapped in silver money clips. In a rundown, dilapitated building, with a lot of paper and trash all around. Usually, my Dad is there, laughing and saying, "I KNEW you would find it. Dang, Sis! You found it!" and I wake up before I know how much is in the suitcases. (Only once did I get a whisper of an amount--$13 million).

Always looking for the good. The positive. I could never understand why people commit suicide. Life may get bad, but it always gets better. Always. Right?

This year has been challenging.

One thing after another, after another and finally, after another. It started in January with George passing away from a heart attack. Then I lost my job in June. Then financial stuff happening and happening again in July. Then in August, my aunt Colleen passed away suddenly with a heart attack. Then the last couple of months with the recurring financial stuff and me misplacing the receipts. Then things kept feeding upon each other. One crazy mixed up thing after another. Nothing but doors slamming. Nothing but tension and stress and crying and strife. It came to a head.

Miss Positive Princess was losing it. I got a call from my son that sent me into a crying mode for two days. He was coming home for Thanksgiving from the Navy. A happy thing.

And possibly for good in a couple of months after that. Budget cuts were ushering him faster into the Reserves. He would be home, but with this economy, and everything else, I was worried. I just lost it. I cried for two days.

Then this week, things went from bad to worse. The weather was not cooperating either. It was cold and dark and rainy and windy. Depressing is a nice way to describe it. It doesn't do well for your mood when the weather is that way.

It was so bad, I passed by a cemetary and thought, "They're lucky. It's over for them." I had this thought, just for a second. But it scared me and jolted me to realize, I needed to go home. I felt like crap. I called my doctor.

As you know, I have been trying to get my writing career going since I was laid off, trying to find a job, and I've been doing the "shotgun" approach to marketing: throw as much up there as you can and sell, sell, sell.

My results: I'm not selling anything. I'm too desperate and people can smell it as sure as they can smell a skunk. Not appealing at all. Even if I was Frank Kern, I couldn't sell a glass of water to someone in the desert.

I've been up late, really late, like 4:00 in the morning lately. Writing, typing, searching. I didn't have a lot of sleep the night before, the night before that, or the night before that.

I have become nearly obsessed with money: hanging onto money, finding ways to make more money, selling stuff to get more money, money, money, money. Panic, panic, panic. Well, no wonder I can't get any money in my life, I'm a huge, negative turn-off!

Lack, desperation, stress, and me with my fist closed not allowing me to receive anything or giving anything to anyone else. It's mine, mine, mine, like Daffy Duck in the oyster clinging to the giant pearl.

And then, there's the clutter. I went into this mode of, "put it away, I'll deal with it later." I have stuff stacked and stored and I'm sorting through it, but I am not finding what I need. I misplaced important paperwork, and I can't find it.

I think God is teaching me a lesson, and it hurts. I've turned things upside down, inside out. I still have a lot more to go through, but one thing I have learned, I have a problem with hanging onto stuff. The stuff I don't need or use, I hang on for 20 years. Everything else, put it in a pile or a bag and go through it later. No more. I'm purging this week.

What's the point of this story? Why am I telling you all this? Do I want you to feel sorry for me and send me money? (At this point, I won't turn you down!) Or manipulate you into buying my stuff? (If I was Frank Kern, we wouldn't even have this post, because you would have already bought it!).

I'm telling you because I have been in the dark place. I had the thought about "dead people are lucky" and I decided that I needed to go home. I came home, took a long, hot shower and went to bed.

At 7:00 pm.

And slept for 15 hours.

QH checked on me a few times to make sure I was still breathing. I was.

I got up this morning and I felt a bit groggy, but I took a shower, got dressed up, put on eye makeup and went job hunting. I had planned to do that. It felt good to do something proactive.

As I drove around, I listened to a CD "Money and the Law of Attraction" by Jerry & Esther Hicks and Abraham. I felt things lighten and then I saw the most magnificent site. Two trumpeter swans swimming in a pond. The picture you see above. I felt better. I felt like things were going to be ok. I went home. Hopeful. Grateful. Lighter.

I've been praying to St. Jude. For those who don't know who St. Jude is, you may be familiar with St. Jude's Children's Hospital. It was started by Danny Thomas as a promise he fulfilled to St. Jude, the Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases or Hopeless Causes. There is a prayer those in the Catholic faith pray when things look lost with no hope.

I was there. I've been saying it for a few days. I have a promise to fulfill for St. Jude. I won't tell you what it is, it's personal. I will publish it when the time is right. And I will let you know where you can find it.

And I don't know whether it was the sleep, or the CD, or St. Jude, or the swans, or a combination, but I felt better today than I have felt in months.

Not to say, everything is coming up roses. The problems are still there, and they still have to be dealt with, but I know we can deal with them. We have a Force Greater Than Ourselves on our side. A Creator, who formed all we see, feel, hear, taste and smell.

Everything will work out. Not the way I would like, or want, but the way it was meant to work out. And in His Time, not mine. But that doesn't mean I sit down and give up. I still have a job to do. I still have articles and speeches and teleseminars and classes to write, speak, give and teach. And that suitcase of money still has to make an appearance. After the "good tornado" passes, and the sunshine, of course. :)

But I can't control everything. And I can't push people to buy, no matter how much I need the money. So, it's back to the marketing board. I still have a lot to learn and that's a good thing. I have to clear the path for my prosperity, literally. Then it will appear. And let go the outcome. It's not in my hands. It's in His Hands.

In the meantime, look for the swans. And get a good night's sleep.

Teleseminar Postponed to Thursday 11/05/09

2009-10-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

The teleseminar entitled, "Forget the Recession" is postponed to next Thursday, November 5, 2009.

Times: 2:00 pm and 7:00 pm

Cost: $11 per person, which includes free MP3 recording of call on CD or digital download.

And other fabulous gifts.

Hope to see you there.

Forget the Recession

2009-10-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of this whole recession.

Didn’t they say it was over?

Oh, it’s almost over?

What?!

What does that mean?

We’re not as broke today as we were yesterday? Guess what? We’re still broke!

How broke?

1. We’re so broke, Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.

2. We’re too broke to pay attention.

3. We’re too broke to have health insurance and those that do will die of H1N1 because there isn’t enough vaccine. Who knows, if enough of us with no insurance can stay healthy, we will have health insurance.

4. We’re so broke we’re looking to buy that “Box” from the movie trailer to get the million dollars. The moral dilemma is someone has to die. Maybe we will get lucky and it will be Osama Bin Laden. Or Bernie Madoff. Or the CEO of AIG.

5. We’re so broke we’d sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. And that goes for the ladies, too.

6. We’re so broke we have carpal tunnel from hanging on to our money so tightly.

7. We’re so broke we have arthritis from pinching so many pennies.

8. We’re so broke we could cry.

Please, don’t cry.

Instead, remember, laughter is free, and so is thought.

It’s time to Rock this Recovery.

Join me for my teleseminar “Forget the Recession” on Thursday, October 29, 2009.

Times are 2:00 pm and 7:00 pm Central Standard time.

Registration fee is $11.00, because I’m easy, not cheap. (See #5).

What you’ll get out of it:

*You’ll laugh a lot,

*You’ll learn a few things about money and thought and how to put the two together positively, and,

*You’ll leave feeling a little better than you did before you arrived.

If not, I’ll refund your money, no questions asked. Every penny.

To register, go to http://www.crawfordwriting.com/ and click on “Teleseminar Info”

The times and date don’t work for you? No problem. Register anyway. The call is being recorded. You’ll get an MP3 of the call on a CD or as a digital download. Same price. Same guarantee. No shipping and handling charges.

Search those couch cushions and sign up now.

Dear God, I Need Cash

2009-10-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

I found this little prayer on Beliefnet.com. I think we all can benefit from this one.

Dear God, I Need Cash
For this I pray:

Not asking for a million bucks
Or money showing up in trucks
Just need some cash to pay my bills
And financial flow to cure my ills
Not seeking huge amounts
Just enough to make it count
To take care of a basic human need
And take care of those mouths to feed
I know that times are rough
But I want to stand tough
I just need some cash to keep on going
So please God, keep the money flowing.

Amen.

- Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Have a fabulous week, everyone.

My Favorite Fall Movie-Seabiscuit

2009-10-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

Nothing says fall to me like the movie "Seabiscuit". There are a few scenes that take place in the fall on the east coast, where Red takes Seabiscuit out for a nice, long run, so he can "learn to be a horse again." The scenery as Toby Maguire, who played Red Pollard in the movie, is absolutely breathtaking. I cry every time I watch it.

But it's more than that scene. The story of Charles Howard, Red Pollard, Tom the Trainer, and Seabiscuit is a wonderful story of overcoming hardship, sticking together and proving "Anything is possible." Taking place during the Great Depression, it is a story that will uplift your heart and soul.

The little horse that could. The little horse who made everyone believe anything is possible and made everyone around him better.

I pulled this movie out of the cabinet and watched it today.

I needed something to lift my spirits. I've been a little down lately, thinking all the hard work I've been doing is pointless. I keep waiting for results, keep obsessing about the results, and not really enjoying the process like I used to, and I think it's why the results I'm getting are not what I want. So, I need to step back, stop, breathe. But most of all, I need to let go. I can't control the weather, or the future, or the Universe. It's not my job. I need to get out of the way and just let it happen the way it's going to happen. Go with the flow. And keep taking positive action towards my goals. And just believe I deserve the results I want. It's going to happen, it's just inevitable.

And I need to remember, if a little horse 15 hands high, could take on a horse 18 hands high named War Admiral and win, I think I can be a little more patient for the results I want. And like Seabiscuit, I could win the race of the century.

"It's not in his feet, George. It's in his heart," said Red to his friend, George Wolf, who rode Seabiscuit in the Race of the Century. "He'll fight for it."

Sometimes we all need to remember "how to be a horse again."

Thanks, Seabiscuit. :)

Sometimes You Just Have To Look The Other Way

2009-10-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

Have you had a problem where it consumed every waking moment of your life? It was the first thing you think of when you got up in the morning, and the last thought before your shut your eyes (if you could) at night? Sleep was fleeting at best and your dreams would often reflect the problem in lots of bizarre ways and you would awake feeling like there was no escape for the problem.

For most everyone, the last couple of years that problem has been MONEY. It's been the headline story, the footnote, the ratings story to every newscast with lots of gloom and doom and the world is coming to end mentality. It's been fueled and fired by those who are making money and the media they control to get everyone scared and have them panic and make major mistakes with their retirement accounts, their stock portfolios and then they swoop in like vultures and clean up the dead. Not a very happy scene, to say the least, but for more than a few million Americans, it's become reality.

So, how do you go from the disaster the economy is/was, to being prosperous and abundant with money coming "quickly, easily, and frequently?" It's a hard thing to do, especially in this "information age" we all seem to be a part of, but it's also quite simple.

Look the other way.

Now, I can already hear some of you out there, "Oh, just IGNORE what's going on? Pretend it isn't happening?" Yes, and no.

Yes. Turn your attention away from all the "Bad, evil, horrible things" going on in our financial economy. Be informed. Be involved, to a point, but don't become OBSESSED. This is a very fine line, because if you are one of those unfortunate many, you've lost everything: your home, your job, your car, your dignity, your self-respect, your faith in God (or any other Higher Power), and you feel that you will never, ever, not in a million years be back where you were and you are consumed by fear, worry, and stress.
And not just for you, but for your kids, and your grandkids.

Let's face it. If you are anyone here on this planet who knows how to use a computer or cell phone or still have a television, the news channels just keep repeating over and over and over again the negative, horrible and gory news about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the H1N1 flu epidemic that will kill us all unless we get vaccinated (or if you watch the other channels, the vaccine will kill you, so you are screwed either way), the Health Care Reform Bill that will take all your rights away as an American Citizen by forcing you to get coverage (or accept government run coverage), and my personal favorite, how President Obama is doing in office so far (and did he truly deserve the Nobel Peace Prize).

Unless something dramatic happens, it's the same crap 24/7/365. The only thing you change with the channels is who is delivering the news.

On a rare occasion, you will find a heart-warming, uplifting story, the kind that makes you cry and feel at the end like human beings are the most magnificent creatures on the planet and can do magical things, like help one another without expectation, or be kind or loving without limits. But they are few and far between.

That's why the little baby dressed in just a diaper dancing to Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" song is so popular. Or the guys who make those amazing shots with a basketball into a basketball hoop in all sorts of strange locations where you say after watching it, "How'd they do that?"

Your brain needs a break. Find your joy, your bliss, and shut the machines off for a while. You don't have to be "plugged in" all the time. Learn to live and be comfortable in the stillness.

One of the most peaceful times I ever experience if I'm not meditating, is when it snows. Late at night, in the dark, the snow falling gently from the sky, if you are someplace out away from town or the city, if you listen closely you can actually hear the snowflakes hit the ground. Your own breath is even too loud.

It's a time to be. Just be. And I love it when I can experience these things because I feel ever closer to God, the Universe, my Higher Power. And I am calm. Serene. In this crazy, mixed up world, I can actually experience this and be grateful. It's natural Prozac without all the side effects and it's also freeeee.

So, give your mind a break once in a while. Meditate, read, go fishing, walking, running, spend quality time with yourself, your loved ones, and let go some of the control. We humans like to control the results, impatient with time and the process of growing things. We want it all in a nanosecond. Sometimes, it's hard to wait for results, but we have to keep our faith in the process, otherwise we will drive ourselves and everyone else crazy.

If you can't think of a solution in your waking hours, then write down what your problem is and what question you want answered. Then say, "Thank you for my answer." Go to bed and sleep on it.

You will be astounded with the results.
*********************************************************
To help you become more abundant and more prosperous, grab my "Prosperity Kit" on my website: http://www.crawfordwriting.com/Prosperity-Kit.html

It's only $17 for a digital download or on CD.

No shipping or handling costs.

And one dollar ($1) from each purchase is donated to the Susan G. Komen Foundation during the month of October.

To order online, go here: http://www.crawfordwriting.com/Prosperity-Kit.html.

To order by mail, send check or money order to:

Crawford Writing & Marketing
Prosperity Kit
P.O. Box 76
Zimmerman, MN 55398

And have fun with this! Joy is everything. :)

Happy Birthday To QH, Love of My Life!

2009-10-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear QH, love of my life, Happy Birthday to you.

For those who are interested, today is also John Lennon's birthday.

Today Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize. Why? Who knows.

Today I won at the casino. Did you read my previous post? If not, check it out.

And today was a fabulous birthday for my honey. All day long. :)

Ask. Believe. Let Go. Receive. :)

I won at the casino! I won at the casino! LOA Rocks!

2009-10-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been studying the LOA (Law of Attraction), part of making your manifestations or dreams come true involves "pretending" that you have received what you ask for. It works like this:

1. You ask for something you really want. You have to feel fabulous when you think of this something. The top things asked for are: money, homes, cars, jobs, and someone to love. So, think of what you want. Then ask for it. Ask God, the Universe, your Higher Power, and then move to step 2.

2. Believe you deserve to have it. Yes, I believe you should have it, so you should believe you should have it. You are the child of a King, start acting like it. I don't mean be a jerk and act like everyone should wait on you hand and foot, but just know that good things are coming your way.

2.a. There is a little codicle to this step. You have to let it go. Believe God or the Universe is going to deliver it and let go THE HOW of when it will show up. Everyone has a hard time with this, so this will take some practice. I know, it's hard for me.

We humans want to control how things come into our lives, we want to control those "X" factors that we really have no business controlling. Remember, God is a Creator, and sometimes, creation takes time. There is no failure, just a delay in results, as Helene Hadsell says. She should know. She's won every contest she's ever entered for the past 50 years, including a new home. How? She let go, and let God. Get out of His way so He can do His job.

3. Be ready to receive. If you don't believe you should receive it, you will experience a delay in results. If you have any little inkling of doubt or worry or fear, or have any negative thoughts as to how it's going to arrive, then you will experience a delay in results. Fear, doubt, worry, and negativity, act as roadblocks and will re-route your dreams.

You also have to be ready. Prepare your life for your dreams. If you want more money, make a list of how much and what you will do with it when it gets here. Don't spend it for real until it arrives. Spend it in your head, and then "pretend" you have another installment coming from your own spiritual escrow.

Yes, you have an account that holds all that you desire. The problem is, you are the only one with the "access code". If you are not in alignment with the vibrations of the Universe, then you will be denied access to your account. Think of your thoughts as spiritual "PIN" numbers. :)

If you spend a little time on this each day, you will be amazed at what you can manifest into your life. Make your manifestations good things. If you want to manifest something for someone else, that's ok too, but the results will vary. If it is something they truly desire, your energy with their energy will make it appear faster. But it isn't something they truly want, then you may be disappointed that they aren't excited about their manifestation.You will see faster results with your own desires.

The main key to all of this is gratitude. Be grateful first for what you have. Notice the contrast of what you don't have, but first and foremost, you must be grateful for what you have. If you aren't sure what to be grateful for, start with a list: health, family, friends, job, money coming into your life, money going out of your life (it means money is flowing naturally in and out of your life), your home, your life, the sunrise and sunset, your car, and anything else you love.

But what about those who are struggling or living in poverty? What about those people who have lost their homes and jobs and are going through a really hard time? Be grateful for your circumstances. You have a lot of things to be grateful for, including the struggle. Why? It will make you stronger, it will bring you to what is most important. Remember, "this too shall pass", and it will leave your life faster when you start to feel better.

Feeling better starts in your head. Start with some small thing that makes you smile, or laugh. Look at something beautiful. Remember a time when things were better, then feel how that was. The feeling will bring it faster.

And always, write down what you want. It's like placing your order with the Universe.

And we are going to the casino tomorrow.

Did I tell you, I won at the casino?

Be a part of the Prosperity Experiment. Kits will be available soon. Go to http://www.crawfordwriting.com/ and click on "Prosperity Experiment".

Don't Stop Believing-EVER.

2009-10-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you who think that there's no hope in the world, just take a look at the Minnesota Vikings and the Minnesota Twins. Both had tough games in the last two days. Both won, in spite of the odds against them.

Why do people give up so easily? Most of the successful people in this world, the entrepeneurs, the businessmen and businesswomen, the movers and shakers, are the ones who stick it out to the end. They are the ones that try, just one more time, even if they have everything to lose. Why?

Giving up is easy. Sometimes it's encouraged. Heaven forbid someone take the "Road Not Taken" as Robert Frost wrote of, and go through the hard and tangled brush, the difficulty, the obstacles, even those we erect ourselves. It's easier to take the smoother path.

But what fun is that?

Being a writer in a world that doesn't exactly encourage pursuing that career path is hard, difficult, and if you aren't selling books or articles or anything you produce from your craft, can lead you to financial poverty.

But what about the poverty of your soul?

I don't want everyone who has the desire to be a writer, or artist, or entrepeneur to just quit their job and go do it without some serious thought and planning and discussion with their family. But I don't want to see people living like a zombie, stuck in a job that just barely takes care of the necessities and nothing else. There's more to life than just paying the bills.

In the last few entries, and in the last few weeks, I have been promoting my ebooks and the fundraiser I'm participating in this month. It's not about the money and at the same time, it's all about the money.

Money is a tool. It's a way to measure success or failure, and it brings a lot of good things along with it when it arrives: food, shelter, electricity, phone service, Internet connection service, gas for the car, and a nice donation to a great organization.

I'm a writer by choice, and at the same time, I have no choice.

Writing to me is like breathing. I can't stop writing, and I can't stop breathing. Being able to write something other people will enjoy, or be helped by, or be informed by or even laugh when they feel like crying is the reason I write. And getting paid to do that is even better. It's the dream of all of us to live our lives doing what we love, and get paid to do it.

I was told by several people that they wouldn't buy my book, "The Golden Rules of Making Money (And How To Use Them)" and that's ok. It's not for everyone, just like romance novels aren't my thing either. If you wait for everyone to be happy with what you do, you will never do anything.

And if you decide that you will do what you love no matter what, and find a way to get a paid for it, just know that the path is not going to be easy, but when you come out on the other side, the view from here is spectacular.

And it's actually a lot of fun getting here, too.

But if you give up, the trip is over. Just don't stop believing and keep on going, you never know if you'll make it if you just quit.

Ask the Vikings and the Twins.

Think Pink Book Challenge

2009-10-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

The 1,000 Book Challenge for
National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Hi, Everyone,

As you know I was issued a challenge a few weeks ago.

To sell 1,000 books by Halloween (October 31, 2009).

I've decided to take $1 (one dollar) from each book sold and donate it to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in honor of my mother and her two sisters.

All three were diagnosed, underwent surgical intervention and chemotherapy and radaition for the two sisters.
Here's their story: A Tale of Three Sisters

In return for helping me reach my goal, I have some great bonuses for you.
First, you will receive the first two chapters of my book "Permission Granted".

Second, you will receive a free pass to my upcoming teleseminar, a $25 value.

Third, the price of the book "The Golden Rules of Making Money (And How To Use Them)" will stay at $19 until Halloween.

Fourth, my gratitude in helping an organization that helps thousands of women survive this disease and helps their families cope with the trauma of surgery and treatment, with courage, humor and community. Each customer will receive a personal thank you from me.

As of now, there are 2.5 million breast cancer survivors. But many more can be saved if the disease is detected early. Please do your breast self-exams at least once a month and get a mammogram every year.

In this economy, there are women who are not getting the tests they need to get an early diagnosis and early treatment. There are ways to get a free or low cost mammogram and cervical cancer screening, just go to http://www.mnsage.com/ and see if you qualify.

For more information, go to my Resources page at http://www.crawfordwriting.com/ and click on "Think Pink Links."

I can't wait to exceed this challenge.

Thank you in advance for all your help,

Laura

The 1,000 Book Challenge

2009-09-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve been issued a challenge.

Sell 1,000 books by Halloween, October 31, 2009.

Will you please help me?

Not only will you get “The Golden Rules of Making Money (And How To Use Them)” the resource guide I wrote, but you will also get “The Art of Money Getting” by P.T. Barnum and the first two chapters of my upcoming book, “Permission Granted: Allow Yourself To Live the Life You Are Born To Live” all for only $19.

Just click here to order it now.

This is available as a download or on a CD. If you order the CD, the shipping is FREE, and the price is the same.

In addition, for the first 11 customers (11 is my lucky number), I am offering freeee passes to my teleseminar. It’s a $25 value.

The details on the teleseminar will be announced on Friday, September 25, 2009, so stay tuned.

I know it seems impossible, but I’m confident with your help, I cannot only meet this challenge, I will exceed it.

I will keep you all posted with my progress.

Thank you so much in advance for all your help!

I Can't Believe I Just Did That!

2009-09-14T07:42:00.000-07:00

We came home from Duluth on Saturday about noon. I am now going to be canning and juicing and making jelly for the next week. Our storeroom smells like an apple orchard, which is fine by me. Soon I will have all those little jars full of apple butter, pink crab apple jelly, tomatoes, and salsa. Winter is coming and this year I want to have a good stash put away. You never know how good or bad the winters can be up here and if you listen to the Farmer's Almanac, it's supposed to be colder than usual this coming winter.

But I'm sure you're curious about the title of this post, aren't you?

Well, here's the story.

We went up to Schroeder, Minnesota and stayed at Superior Ridge Resort for two nights, Wednesday and Thursday. The weather was pretty good, unusually humid for the North Shore, but most of that was because of the rain that fell in the evening and overnight hours of our stay there. The days were fair to partly cloudy and warm. I spent time with QH driving his Mom, and me up and down the North Shore, sightseeing, and we stopped at Leif Erickson Park to see the rose garden and then ventured up to Enger Tower to see the gardens there and sit up by the gazebo and take pictures. It was up there on Thursday, QH's Mom decided we should stay another night and booked a room for us at Black Bear Casino Hotel in Carleton.

We arrived there in the afternoon on Friday, September 11. I did remember that it was 9/11 but I was not going to sit and remember all the horrible things that happened 8 years ago. Instead, I was thankful and grateful and told God I was very happy and content to be spending this beautiful day with my "hubby" and his Mom, that this was a blessing and that I was grateful for all the blessings I have received and all the blessings I was about to receive.

We checked in and our room was #4011. I mention this because it was 9/11, and I turned 40 on June 11. Ok, kind of strange, but whatever. We hauled all our stuff up to the room and then took some time to relax a bit before going to dinner at the buffet. I was reading an old Reader's Digest and reading the jokes while QH took a nap and his Mom watched NCIS on the USA channel.

We finally decided to go to dinner and made our way to the casino. We got some "free" stuff so we went and signed up for the Players Club (it was free), and we got our little "perks" coupons. Part of it was we got $2 off the buffet, a coupon for $5 free playing money, and if you buy $5 of pulltabs you get another pulltab free.

We went first and got our free money. Then we went to the pulltabs and didn't win anything. Then we went to the slot machines.

I sat down in front of some silly, cartoonish Beaver game. I put my $5 of free money into the feeder. I hit the "Max Bet" button and it rolled a few times. I won $1.50 and I cashed out. I then put another $5 in and won $23. I cashed that out and put the ticket back in. I hit "Max Bet" and won $177. Cool!

I then reached in and took out a $20 bill I won playing scratchers. I fed it into the machine. At this point, QH is looking at me and asking, "What are you doing?" I hit the "Max Bet" button and a few rolls later it starts going berserk! I started to hear that little voice in my head that says, "Cash out! Cash Out!"

I did and when I looked at the ticket, I had to look again. I had QH read it and he looked at me and said, "I can't believe you just did that!"

I said, "I can't believe I just did that either!" I looked at the front of the machine. The serial number ended in...1111.

Total, I won about $1,200.00!

Then we went to dinner, I bought of course, and I bought breakfast the next morning. But the thing of it was this: I had NO EXPECTATION OF WINNING!

I was also not in a desperation position, meaning, I was not in there going, "I shouldn't be spending this money because it's the last money I have and if I don't win, it will be bad." No, not at all.

I went in there in a fabulous mood, with no expectation of winning and when I found that silly looking machine, I didn't see any of the other machines around it. What does that mean? For that split second, I went by my gut instinct and sat at the machine that "felt right" to me, and I saw only that machine, not any of the others around it. Why? They didn't interest me and were not in my awareness at that time.

Is this the secret to winning at the casino? Will I get rich going up and playing $20 or $25 or whatever playing slot machines? Probably not.

Will it work for anyone else? Maybe.

I do have one thing to add to this story that will sound a little "woo-woo" to you all.

I did write down in my journal the night before that we would win money playing the slots at the casino. I was wanting QH and his Mom to win, more than me, but because this has already happened in my existence, it was not something I thought was impossible. It was possible for me to win, just as much as it was possible for them to win.

I don't want all of you running out to play scratchers or lottery tickets or running up to the casino to gamble. Here's the lesson in all of this:

You have to know when to quit and walk away.

Me and QH's Mom went down the next morning after breakfast to that same machine and I put in $10. We played that and got it up to over $40. I should have cashed out.

I let it ride.

I lost it all.

I then put in $10 more but this was more like, "I have to win that money back," and I lost that faster than the first $10. I was getting scared. Fear was in my awareness, I could feel it. The difference between then and the night before was as simple as night and day. My inner voice gave me the guidance I needed: "Leave now."

I quit. We left and came home.

So just as easily as it can manifest, the money can disappear as well. Especially if you are in a desperation mindset, (I have to win. I can't lose that money. I'll be broke if I can't win it back).

Don't go there. You'll be attracting tons of what you don't want. Not only that, you will get yourself into a hole you can't get out of without help.

I saw people going up to the cashier desk cashing their whole paychecks and I didn't get a "this is for us to have a good time" kind of vibe. I got fear and desperation and sadness.

Some people go there to have fun. Some go there thinking they are going to break the house and instead, they are the ones who end up broken. It's very seductive, but when you know and feel it's not a good thing, then get up and leave.

I'm glad I did or I could have lost all I won.

Ok, enough. I'm stepping off my soapbox. :)

Have a great day, and think great thoughts! They have power unlimited!

Get Back Up!

2009-08-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

I found this on Tony Robbins site this morning. Have the tissues handy, it's the best 5 minutes I spent today so far.

Now go out and do great things! :)

I'm Channeling Martha Stewart Again

2009-08-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I made 2 loaves of Amish Friendship Bread from a starter given to me by QH's sister. I have 4 starters in gallon size zip bags fermenting on top of my cupboard. I plan to give some of the starters away, and keep a few to make more bread. I hope to send some to my handsome son who is in the Navy and stationed in Virginia who is also homesick.

Yesterday, I stood in the kitchen running vegetables through my food processor and hunting for my jar rings and jar lids I haven't laid my eyes on for over 2 years now. I did zero (0) canning last year and I am paying the price for it this year. No salsa, no canned tomatoes, no jelly or apple butter in the store room. Not good. I have to replenish my stash so we can eat well this winter. I took the Romas and Jalepenos from my garden, mixed them with red onion, green peppers, garlic, and some seasonings and ended up with 9 quarts and a pint of homemade salsa. Next on the list is canned tomatoes and anything else I think we can use and eat this winter.

Today, QH and I spent the afternoon picking crabapples from the tree out in front of his folks place. The apples nearest to the ground were ruby red and ready and we picked almost two 5 gallon buckets full. Those will be just the beginning. The tree is loaded this year to the point the branches are hanging low to the ground. Those highest up will be ready this week, so we will be pickin' and a grinnin' next weekend.

The juice from those apples make the prettiest jelly. It has a nice pinkish-amber hue to it and it tastes like honey. We are looking for blackberry juice to mix with it. His Mom mixed them half-and-half one year and the jelly that resulted was heavenly. We plan to make a few different flavors, and of course, we are trying the slow cooker apple butter recipe.

Martha Stewart is channeling through me again. There was a change in the weather. It cooled down and I feel that little tickle I get when fall is close to coming. I've seen some changing of the leaves (most of it is due to lack of rain this year), but I've seen it and it's usually that sign that brings my favorite season into my experience.

Geese are gathering, the flowers are starting to fade, and I can actually smell, yes, smell, the season coming (or are those cheese curds from the Minnesota State Fair?). No matter. It's the time to prepare and lay in stocks of food and fuel and other provisions for the coming winter. I'm going to enjoy the season as much as I can, and if you see me smiling, know it's because I feel such a sense of accomplishment.

Nothing makes you feel more accomplished than a storeroom full of canned goods you made yourself. It's also a sign that we are not as bad off as we think. If you have a stash, then you have a sense of security, and in these economic times, I'll take any sense of security I can!

It does involve work. Standing in a hot, steamy kitchen with pots boiling and peelings clogging my sink is not exactly fun, but when you see what you get as a result of that hard work, it's completely worth it. Not only that, there is not doubt about what is in those jars. You put the ingredients in and mix them up and seal them up, so if the jar doesn't seal, you don't eat it. No national recalls, and the ingredients are for the most part, organic.

And for that most of all, it's completely worth all the peeling, sweating, boiling, steaming and cooking. When you hear that "pop" when your jars seal, it brings a sense of pride to my heart. I feel it totally validates what I do. And it tastes like summer in the coldest part of winter.

Choices Meant For Kings Is Released

2009-08-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

My dear friend and fellow writer, Sandy Lender, has announced that the second book in the Choices Trilogy is officially released. If you haven't read "Choices Meant for Gods" yet, run, don't walk and get a copy fast and read it even faster. The second book picks up where the last one left off and you don't want to skip a beat with this one.

So please, go to http://www.archebooks.com/ and get your copy today. You can get the e-book for $3.99 and if you go now to her publisher's website, you will get a 25% discount on the hardcover book.

It's a page turner and I don't usually read fantasy fiction, but this world she created just sucks you right in and once you start reading, you can't put it down.

So, give yourself a little escape today. Go to http://www.archebooks.com/ and buy "Choices Meant for Kings" right now!

Thanks and happy reading!

Laura :)

Lessons From Aunt Keener

2009-08-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the things I learned from my Aunt Keener:

1. Family is number one. Especially, your kids.
2. Good coffee is simple: good coffee, and good water. Don't settle for anything less.
3. Surround yourself with lots of green and growing things. (The picture above is from her garden.) And watch the birds.
4. When you get the blues, do the "Happy Dance".
5. The Sesame Street song, "My name is Fred. They call me Fred. When I get up I put a hat upon my head. My name is Fred."
6. Tomato macaroni and fried potatoes is a meal fit for a king.
7. One man's trash is another man's treasure at the dump grounds.
8. Give lots of hugs.
9. Go to the doctor, even if you don't want to know what's really wrong with you.
10. Tell everyone you love them.

Aunt Keener

2009-08-12T06:42:00.000-07:00

Her given name was Colleen, but to all of us, she was Aunt Keener. I don't quite remember which child gave her that name, but it stuck.

She passed away this weekend from a sudden heart attack. I couldn't believe the news, and I know when I walk into her house, I will be trying to hear her voice. I still have a hard time with that since QH's father, George, passed away in January.

My heart goes out to her children, Rick, Jim, and Casey, and her grandchildren, and her husband, Al. There will be a lot of tears and a lot of hugs in the next few days. The funeral is in Garrison, North Dakota. It's going to be a long trip, but I wish we were getting together for a more happy occasion.

I'm mostly worried about my Dad. Both of his sisters are gone now. He's the oldest of five, and it's got to be hard on him.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a great day, and hug those you love, and tell them you love them. You just never know.

Websites Are Up

2009-08-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, the websites are up, finally!

You can check them out here:

http://www.crawfordwriting.com/ the website for Crawford Writing & Marketing,

http://www.lauramcrawford.com/ my personal website,

http://www.recessionrescuesite.com/ for Recession Rescue, my project to help you save money, save time, and save your sanity in this economic chaos.

And...

http://www.legalizedextortionsite.com/ for Legalized Extortion, my project to expose how the government extorts money from the people they are supposed to serve by changing the laws to suit them, not us.

The picture at the top is a beautiful butterfly that visited me yesterday. My garden is growing by leaps and bounds and soon canning season will begin. I wanted to get things up and running so I can concentrate on that when the time comes and let everything else kind of run on autopilot.

Now, to get the books done, and get some things up to make some money from this. One step at a time. :)

It's Finally Coming Together

2009-07-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was really wishy-washy.

On the one hand, I was wanting to find a job, any job, just so I could get the worry out of QH's face and out of my head. I've been used to working more than one job for so long, it was disconcerting to be sitting at home and writing (which is something I said I really wanted--more time to write), and not having a paycheck or two coming in from somewhere. And not driving to work is something odd for me, and I still look at the clock at 2pm and think I have to get to work.

On the other hand, I'm writing my tail off, accomplishing what I really want to do and trying to figure out what I can sell to keep this momentum going so I don't have a J-O-B in the way of my creative rush. I know now why Pat O'Bryan sought a "Portable Empire" and never went back to being broke and working at a JOB that robs your spirit and sucks the soul right out of you.

It's finally coming together.
I get it now.
And I'm willing to defend it at every turn.

I don't want to go back to a J-O-B, but if I have to, I will. I just don't want to, and I don't want to give up the progress I've made on my little projects that are finally coming to fruition.

Ask and ye shall receive. I was hoping an answer would present itself, and God answered.

This last week, there was a teleseminar on public speaking, that was free, and I signed up and listened in and took pages of notes. The gentleman on the call was James Malinchak, and he is a paid public speaker. (Go to SpeakingForMoney.com.) He has an impressive track record and I learned a ton on the free call. But of course, he was also promoting his home study speaking course, at the tune of about $2,000. Not in the budget right now, so it's on my wish list. :)

To make a long story short, the Internet is my library. I used it to find relevant articles, some written by Mr. Malinchak on ezinearticles.com and others along the way. As one bread crumb led to another, I also found a great book by Valerie Young "How to Work When, Where and How You Want" which is available on her website ChangingCourse.com. It's a freebie and has a ton of great information. It got my juices flowing and answered some long sought after questions. I highly recommend it. Especially if you are unemployed or may become unemployed or are dreaming of having the life and work you really want. It's simply fabulous.

In the end, I decided that a speaking career would be the perfect fit for me. I am going to my first Toastmasters meeting on Thursday in Elk River. I have the information I need for the National Speakers Association. I have speeches upon speeches written for various topics that I can turn into an ebook, then a CD or DVD and then sell online on my websites (which are going up this week). Since I plan on being a successful published author, that will require me to speak in front of people and promote my book with readings and speeches. I might as well get great at it, and I might as well get paid for it!

I have no fear of public speaking. I feel more comfortable on a stage speaking to people than I sometimes do talking to someone on the phone, or in person. (That all depends on who I'm speaking to, of course.) But my mind has been on super overdrive, and the topic list and the speech drafts are growing by the minute.

The faucet is on and running and I can't shut it off. I'm loving it!!

If I can find a way to get paid for all of this, I won't have to work at a
J-O-B ever again. I can get off the unemployment and be in control of my life again.

I guess that's what's bugged me most about this situation. I've had to depend on the government for my income and I don't like it. It's necessary right now, and I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but when you a have to live like this, it's like you lose a part of your soul. You have to play by their rules. I don't like that because I like making my own damn rules.

So, don't be surprised if you see on this blog a notice or a WHOOOHOOO that I am now speaking for a living and having a blast doing it. I would love to teach people how to do it later on, and I will be out there teaching and motivating and inspiring and I will be free again.

Oh, and the minimum pay for a professional speaker, who isn't famous, doesn't have a particular platform, or much experience is ...

$2,500 per speech. MINIMUM!!

I think I would like to work 4 days a week, and have 2 speeches a day. I think I could live with that. It's doable. :)

I could have someone hire me, or I can set up my own workshops, seminars, etc. I could set up teleseminars and webinars online, so I could do this, get paid, and not even have to leave the house!

Now to find the gigs close to home. That's going to be FUN! I have goosebumps, I can hardly wait to get started!

I hope you all have a great week and find the WHOOHOO in your day!

P.S. The book I've been working on is in the final stages of editing. As soon as I have a release date, you will all be the first to know!!

Contest & Fundraiser End Today

2009-07-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today is the end of the 1st Annual Summer Writing Contest and the fundraiser for Operation Minnesota Nice. If you want further details, go to my business blog at www.crawfordwritingservices.blogspot.com and check it out.

In the coming weeks I will be launching my first ebook, so "stay tuned."

Until then, have a safe and happy 4th of July celebration!

Catching Up

2009-06-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

Hi, Everyone!

This is a catching up post. I'm still unemployed, still looking for a job, and still getting my ducks in a row to get some writing business going. It's hard to schedule your life when you don't work at a JOB for 8 hours each day, 40 hours per week. I always wished I had more time to devote to my writing business and now that I have it, I seem to be sort of lost when I do my usual schedule, meaning I get everything done by 2 pm and wonder what to do with the rest of my time.

I am confident that I will figure it out. Then about the time I get my schedule the way I want, I'll get a JOB and then I will be back to rescheduling my schedule. LOL!

The weekend was great, really hot and humid, but great. We went to the Back to the 50's car show at the State Fairgrounds in St. Paul. Over 12,000 classic cars from 1964 and older, and the weather was warm and sticky. I waited in line to get a new bag (for FREE) from the Ladies Showcase building and met a lovely lady and her daughter who were standing in line behind me from Watertown, South Dakota. We got to chatting and the forty-five minutes we were in line seemed to fly right by. I never know who I'm going to meet at these things and I truly enjoyed talking to them. I hope their journey home was a safe one.

In the meantime, there is only one week left for the writing contest and the fundraiser. So, if any of you are interested, please go to my business blog, www.crawfordwritingservices.blogspot.com and enter or buy a Thank You Card. To those who have already visited and entered or purchased a card, my sincere thanks. I have learned so much from doing these events this last month, and have a few ideas in the works for the next few months, so stay tuned!

Have a great week!

Reflections: I'm 40, What Happens Next?

2009-06-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is my official birthday, June 11, 1969. Now that I'm "old," or what my perception of "old" was about 20 years ago, I'm both grateful and scared.

Grateful that I've made it this far, first of all, and that I've met the people in my life right now, the friends I miss and haven't seen in a long time, and family I have with Alex, my son, and QH, the love of my life. I realize that I would not be the person I am or be at this point in my life if it were not for all the people who helped me get here one way or another. I regret not one second of any of it, the good, the bad or the ugly. I've learned lessons that have helped me keep going, and the most important lesson I've learned is that life isn't much worth living if you don't love someone or the people in your life or they don't love you back. You need to give to receive and you need to receive to give. It's a wonderful cycle to be in and I'm blessed beyond belief with that circle in my life.

The scared part is the whole part about me living my dream of being a writer. I know I can do it, I just have the nagging voice in my head telling me that I'm never going to make it. While that voice is growing quieter by the day, the volume got cranked the day I lost my job. I'm worried that I won't be able to make it as a writer and I will have to go back to just having a job that pays the bills. I'm 40. I'm getting too old for that stuff. I want to get my portable empire, as Pat O'Bryan calls it, and I need it yesterday. I don't think my soul will take to just going through the motions for a paycheck anymore. So, I need to get over the fear, roll up my damn sleeves and get to work. John Carlton calls it "Gun to your head marketing." I call it, "Kick ass and take names marketing."

So, my goals for the coming year are to be financially free, have money for retirement, and be in a position next year to update you all and say, "I don't have to worry about money anymore! Whoohoo!!"

But I'll see you guys tomorrow. This is going to be fun!